New Asexualise Dating YouTube Channel – NO BS Dating And Relationship Advice

Posted on by Asexualise

You wanted NO BS dating and relationship advice inclusive of asexuality – well here it it – Asexualise Dating now has an official channel all of it’s own. So you can go straight to the heart of the matter and get all the dating and relationships advice you need in one place. Subscribe here now https://www.youtube.com/@asexualisedating and hit the bell icon so you never miss a video. 

If you’re subscribed to my main channel https://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife you will know I do a mixture of asexual information, education, entertainment and lifestyle videos. This channel includes a regular chat show where you can ask me any questions you like, live in chat. And I help asexuals with love, life, confidence, dating, relationships, self-love and self-care. As I cater for asexuals across the asexual spectrum, some asexuals who never want to date or have a relationship – feel they don’t need this kind of advice (although they can still find it interesting and some of the things I talk about are relevant to any kind of relationship – such as friendships, so it’s still extremely helpful and valuable advice). Whereas other asexuals want more of these types of videos.

Some of my most watched videos on my main channel are my dating and relationships advice ones. And I did a survey to find out how many people would be interested in a new channel dedicated to just dating and relationships and an overwhelming majority said yes they would, so here it is.  

Watch the intro video above and the videos below, and don’t forget to subscribe. Please note, I have purposefully included my aim with this Asexualise Dating channel to incorporate sexuals as well as asexuals – this includes heterosexuals. The reason for this is to fulfil my life mission of getting asexuality recognised as an official sexual orientation in it’s own right throughout the globe, so that no asexual lives in fear of ridicule ever again. I believe the only way of fully achieving this is to get the acceptance of the majority world population sexual orientation – that is heterosexuals, to make real and lasting impactful change on a world-wide scale.

There is lots of work being done, not just by me, but by many other asexual activists to unite asexuals with each other and to provide a relatable sense of community, but we don’t need to convince each other that asexuality is real and exists, we know it does. Where we need to make a change is within the heterosexual community and general population at large – which is where I come in…

I have been in heterosexual relationships for over half of my life, and I had my first asexual relationship at just 6 years old. I was passionately kissing my boyfriend at that age!!!! And he wanted to do sexual exploration and I felt really uncomfortable and invaded as I knew it was wrong. At 17 years I saw the college counsellor and told her about this and she didn’t understand why I was so upset about it and she dismissed and invalidated my feelings by saying it was just “doctors and nurses” and normal, but I knew it wasn’t. I thought I was heterosexual for years, but it’s clear looking back at that moment, that I was born asexual but didn’t realise it. That didn’t stop me having other heterosexual relationships in my teens and for years to come and I’m an asexual who has had sex in the past, because that’s what I thought I had to do as part of a “normal” relationship, I didn’t realise I had a choice not to do that and that there were others in the world like me, until I discovered I’m asexual in 2014. As I write this, I’ve currently been sex free for coming up to 12 years – thank God, that makes me so happy.

However, I still haven’t found my asexual soulmate who I believe is Indian – I’ve been on the dating scene now since 2014 – that’s 9 years and I’ve learnt a lot in that time, both about the people on dating sites and dating apps, how to actually get dates and how to avoid getting into a relationship with an abuser or narcissist. I’ve learnt about love languages, attachment styles, how childhood trauma can affect relationships, about consciousness and ego and about what’s game playing and what isn’t, and now I can use all of this experience to help asexuals and help sexuals to be better too. So I can bring both asexuals and sexuals together, to foster understanding and help asexuals come out as their beautiful selves by enabling sexuals to accept asexuality is very real and that we offer valuable and unique insights into dating and relationships, which are worth knowing about.

Please watch these videos below, like, share, and be sure to subscribe here https://www.youtube.com/@asexualisedating

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating A Step-By-Step Guide

Posted on by Asexualise

Some asexuals have never dated before in their life, or are inexperienced at it. If that sounds like you, or you just want some help with asexual dating, read on…

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating

 

  1. Join Facebook dating groups for asexuals. Be aware that although my asexual dating groups should have only asexuals in them, some other asexual admins, aren’t so strict with who they allow in their groups, and you might find some sexuals in them, so use careful questioning to determine if they are asexual and if they would be suitable for you, when you get someone approach you, or when you message someone from those groups. Post a post introducing yourself and keep posting every so often as new members are added. Remember to say where you live, what type of asexual you are, what type of relationship you are looking for, and with what gender – including any and all. Whether you are a mover or non-mover – In other words can you move or not? And say a bit about your hobbies and interests, so someone has got something to talk to you about if they approach you. For example, I am Sandra, I live in the UK, I am a heteroromantic asexual, a non-mover, so need to find someone who would move to live near me. I am a heteroromantic asexual and I live in the UK, I am looking for a highly romantic, lots of kissing, with no sex ever relationship, with an asexual guy. I am a non-mover. I don’t want marriage or kids, and I prefer to live on my own, but would love the right asexual guy to move to live near me, but not with me. I have a preference for younger foreign guys, in their 20s, especially Indian. I love writing, going to the cinema, out for meals, to theme parks, zoos, and aquariums. Must be a non-smoker, and preferably clean shaven. 
  2. Join Asexualitic.com fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check out the group forums as they can often be more active that the rest of the site. Search “Members”, as well as searching in the various groups and forum threads, for suitable matches for you. Remember it’s a yearly fee if you want private message people on this site. If you don’t want to pay for the site, then in your bio add “I am not a paying member of this site, so cannot private message, if I have friend requested you that’s means I am interested in getting to know you more, so please email me at… or you can also contact me on Facebook at…” Then ensure you send a friend request to those you are interested in getting to know more about, for a potential relationship. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  3. Join ace-book.net fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check “Matches” and “Local Matches” to find suitable matches for you. Take part in the forums, as you never know, you might meet someone suitable for you in those. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  4. Download aceAPP for your Android or Apple phone. Fill out your bio as much as possible, in the short amount of characters allowed, with all the key point deal breakers for you, such as; no sex, no kids, UK only. Use “Bake Cake” to swipe through suitable matches, change the “filters” as appropriate, to narrow or widen the geographical area you would consider having people match with you within, and also try the “Active Now” feature, to find suitable matches for you. Be aware there are a number of people on this App who are fake, and as well not asexual. Watch the video below to find out more what to look out for. I still think it’s worth joining as I have met two genuine asexuals from that app, who attended my in person asexual meetups.
  5. Be proactive, not reactive. Approach people in; the Facebook Asexual dating groups you have joined, on asexualitic.com on ace-book.net and on aceAPP. Don’t wait to get a message from others, you message them, and understand that rejection both by yourself and by others towards you, is a natural part of dating and nothing personal. It means you can rule that person out and get closer to getting the right person for you. So it’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
  6. Go through the “members” list for each Facebook dating group you are in, and click through the profiles of those who interest you and send a private message to begin a conversation with them – providing there are no group rules specifying otherwise. I encourage private messaging in my dating groups. Politely say you are not interested, if someone messages you, and you aren’t. Just say something like, thanks but you aren’t my type, or you aren’t what I am looking for, but good luck with your search. If you are sending them a message, and you are not friends with them, your message will likely land in their “other” messages inbox. So if you don’t get a reply within 2 days, and you notice they haven’t seen your message, send them a friend request, as if you become friends with them, they will be able to see your messages. You can always unfriend them if they accept and you find out they aren’t even suitable to be friends with you.
  7. If you have been messaging with someone for a while and it’s going well and you think you might be suitable for a potential relationship, have a Skype date/Video date with them. This is the next step. Always do this before meeting up with them in person. If the person refuses to do this or make excuses so they can’t do it for some reason, move on. It’s not worth risking your safety over. It’s a lot easier to find genuine and serious  people, if you ask to video chat, they should be happy to. It shouldn’t be too much trouble to learn how to video chat, or learn together. Skype dating/Video dating, as opposed to a chat with a friend on video, is all about asking questions to find out if they are suitable for you to be in relationship with them. You should be asking the tough questions very early on, the deal breakers, so you have the least amount of attachment to them, so it doesn’t matter if either of you need to move on and you don’t waste each other’s time. Ask specific questions but make them general. So if for example, you are an asexual who wants kids, ask that person what their view on having kids is, despite being asexual. Don’t ask, I want a kid, do you want one with me. That will likely either frighten them off, or they might say yes, just to be polite, or because they are telling you what they think you want to hear. And neither of those is good for you. If they say they want kids, ask them, would that be by natural means or other? Again, this is a very specific question, but you are asking it in a non-pressurising way. Ask what they think of marriage, not would you want to marry me, when you barely know each other, and be aware of anyone who talks about getting married early on, as it could mean they want marriage for a visa. Ask where they see themselves in 5 years time; in terms of where they will live, what job they will have, what their ideal relationship will look like. This way you can compare your needs, wants, goals, ambitions and dreams, for the future, with theirs, in your mind, to determine if there is any likelihood this person may be suitable for you for a long-term relationship. After the Skype date/Video date, you can decide if you would like to do it agin or not. And if they are bad for you, you can say to them part way through or early on, that you aren’t compatible, but thank them for their time, or not as the case might be, and you can end the conversation there and then.

Above all, look at asexual dating, as a journey of discovery, and not something to be scared of. It should be as enjoyable as possible.

Share this post now, with anyone who needs help with asexual dating. 

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

P.S. If you want to watch the full length video of these 7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating, filmed as a Live Stream, you can see it here:

Value Your Worth Enough To Walk Away Sooner! Look for these red flags! #asexuality #relationships #dating

Posted on by Asexualise

In this video, which I broadcast on Asexual Awareness Week (21st-27th of Oct 2018), I explain why it is much better for you to value your worth and walk away sooner rather than later. I speak of red flags, inconsistencies of behaviour, and a lack of investment in you! If there are any red flags it’s much better for you to value your worth and walk away sooner rather than later. Look out for these red flags!self

Until next time, stay Ace

Sandra xx

What Is The Difference Between Having Sex And Making Love?

Posted on by Asexualise

What is the difference between having sex and making love?

So you may be wondering as an asexual why I am talking about the difference between having sex and making love, well you will need to watch the video to find out, but all I can say is it seems many heterosexuals don’t understand the difference even. It took me ages to get it, and then the penny dropped!

If you are ever attempting to have a relationship with a sexual and you think you will even a tiny bit contemplate having sex at some point, this video is an absolute must watch for getting at least some satisfaction out of the experience – even if it’s not totally in the conventional sense!

Hope you find this video helpful, useful, and insightful? If you do, please subscribe to my channel, hit the thumbs up on this video, and hit the bell icon so you get notified of every time I post a new video or go live! And be sure to share this video with a friend or anyone who may benefit from it!

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

What it’s like dating when you are asexual! #asexuality #relationships #dating

Posted on by Asexualise

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In September, I was featured in an Article on the Femedic website about what it’s like dating when you are asexual!

Here is the link to the full article https://thefemedic.com/sexual-health/what-like-dating-asexual/

Above is a video with me talking about it, that was a live stream recording!

I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, so very proud of that!

As always, stay ace

Sandra xx

8 Reasons Why I Refuse To Date Sexuals!

Posted on by Asexualise

asexual reasons for not dating sexuals

8 Reason why I refuse to date sexuals:

  1. In my experience they cannot live happily forever without sex and I don’t like, need or want that, ever again in my life!The end!Okay, so I have some more reasons but they are linked to the first
  2. Their thinking is different.
  3. They cannot kiss for long periods of time without getting frustrated and pressurising to have sex with them.
  4. They would view a cute pair of PJs as something that needs to be removed quickly for sex. And I like wearing cute PJs and I don’t want sex.
  5. They may want to get their sexual needs met elsewhere and I am 100% a monogamous girl!
  6. They will usually end up going off with someone else due to the lack of sex.
  7. Incompatible needs and intentions.
  8. Can’t make each other happy sexually and that will inevitably lead to other problems such as resentment, unsatisfaction and lack of fulfilment, feeling neglected or rejected and communication becomes lacking as the gap between us widens.

To sum it up, we are just not compatible and I am not prepared to put myself through that heartache ever again.

There is however, someone in my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book who is asexual and said they are with a bisexual person and the sex (or lack of it) was never an issue. I think this is extremely rare, especially if the relationship is monogamous, but nothing is completely impossible in all cases.

As I update this blog post in September 2018, I did try dating a sexual for 2 months in 2017, and I stopped dating him because he turned out to be a real psycho not because of the no sex aspect – but that was also a huge worry for me and he even understood it was better for me to be with an asexual. A mutual friend afterwards said he would have cheated on you.

I know of one sexual person that is married to an aromantic asexual in a monogamous married relationship but the lack of sex makes them unhappy in the relationship aspect of their life. I also met a married couple at the UK Asexuality Conference and she is asexual and he is sexual – hooray for a supportive husband!

I tend to attract the highly sexual guys, so yeah, it would be great if they could live without sex, but they can’t in my experience. And ‘highly’ sexual is the clue! Plus I love Passionate kissing but never want sex, and like I said in my point (2) above, it is just too frustrating for them to do that and not get sex as the ‘reward’ or ‘prize’ they crave.

What is your thoughts? As an asexual, would you date a sexual?

Until next time, stay ACE!

Sandra xx