Can An Asexual Still Be Sexy? This is a great question. There are many myths and stereotypes about asexuality, and just because someone is asexual, does not meant to say that someone cannot find you sexy. Sexy is a matter of perception by the person experiencing that feeling.
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I know how hard it can be to be a romantic asexual, but aromantics, also struggle too! For example, I know how hard it can be for them to form close relationships, for fear of it being misinterpreted as wanting more. And also, how hard it can be to distinguish if another aromantic just cares for them as a friend, or more!!
Some people think that aromantics just want platonic friendships, and not a relationship. But whilst this may be true for some aromantics, it simply is not true for others! And especially if they are somewhere on the grey-romantic spectrum.
Find out more about aromantic struggles and relationships by watching the videos above.
If you are aromantic, what do you struggle with the most? Friendships? Or a potential relationship?
Asexuals can live without sex and love without sex, and in a world that is so sex focused, that can be tough. It can also be liberating. I haven’t had sex since 2011 and I am so grateful and thankful for that. I didn’t like doing that, it hurt, and because I don’t need it or want it, I would have preferred to just kiss.
It is freeing to know that there are others out there who are just like me, who can live and love without sex. Check out these articles about asexuals who can live and love without sex.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/nov/29/asexual-preference-sexuality
I just had to put this video together for you. I still love passion but without the sex. How can you have passion but without sex? And what if you are aromatic, how does that work? I hope you enjoy this how to have passion without sex video and let me know what you think!!
I am in Bristol later today to celebrate being single – going to the zoo and for a meal and to the cinema – which is what I did last year as shown in this video.
Lots of love and hugs, stay ace xx
International Celebrate Being Single Day is just around the corner (Feb 14th), and having founded this special day for singles to celebrate being single, you may be asking yourself, just what is so great about being single.
Since being predominantly single from November 5th, 2011, I began to challenge my mind about the way it thinks about being in a relationship and being single. I was in relationships with guys who were no good for me since 15 years of age – until 2011 – about 19 years of my life! With the largest period of being single in that time, just 6 months! 2 relationships I had were long term (not good for me) and lasted years. I wasn’t a happy person back then and had low self-esteem. I did not like being on my own because I felt alone and very lonely, I liked to be needed, wanted and loved, and felt I wanted someone there for me 24/7 as life would be boring on my own. I am also a very romantic person.
It is fine to want to be needed, wanted and loved – but what I have discovered is that you need to get these 3 things from yourself first and foremost; to be at one with your own soul – then you will you be happy and fulfilled as a single person and less likely to get into a relationship that is no good for you because you will not ‘need’ to be in a relationship. In fact, you may fill your own life with so much joy and happiness that being in a relationship no longer appeals to you. Either way, you will have unleashed your power of one and be on your way to being a super successful single sensation.
Step 1. You need to take stock of your life and realise that you have a problem being single and find out why that is.
Step 2. You need to be willing to have an open mind and accept you need to change in this respect.
Step 3. If you have been in relationships for most of your life, you need to give yourself some time to yourself and vow to do all you can to stay single for a set period of time – mine was a year; so I could have time to stop ‘needing’ someone. If on the other hand you have been single all your life and would like to be in a relationship but don’t know how to go about it, then you have some work to do on yourself to ensure you can be single and be happy – as well as work to do on your dating and relationship skills. You can still enjoy dating as a single person and it is good to see what is on offer from a variety of sources, rather than thinking one person is the only choice you have!
Step 4.You need to explore and find things to build your confidence and self-esteem, as well as discover ways to help you to be happy being single. This could include learning from books, articles, training courses, magazines, blogs, videos, audio books and podcasts, or through coaching and/or being mentored.
Step 5. You need to decide what ways you learn best – visual, auditory (listen), verbal, written, – so you can pick which learning method is best for you and implement it. If you don’t know which suits you best, try each out until you find which works best for you. Being happy to be single is a skill you need to master and maintain and you need to recognise this and accept it.
Step 6. Take massive action. You need to implement what you have learned, if you are not prepared to do this then you will stay stuck being single and unhappy – everyone has a choice regardless of their circumstances. If you have no money there is free to watch YouTube videos, blog posts and online articles to read. There is no excuse for not changing your life!
Step 7. Evaluate and monitor your progress via each learning method. If something doesn’t work, then try something else until you can honestly say you are happy being single.
For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you may have seen my www.Twitter.com/quirkycoaching profile and thought, just what is #powerofone. Power Of One is a powerful online training and coaching programme that I am creating, to show you, just how to be single and be happy being single.
How are you celebrating being single on Feb 14th – International Celebrate Being Single Day?
Please add #ICBSD to any posts and media you post online to show how proud you are to celebrate International Celebrate Being Single Day!!
What struggles do you have being single and what help would you like to overcome them?
Until next time stay Ace!
Sandra
This is one of my furry kid Guinea Pigs called Angel. In this video she makes her YouTube debut on my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel. Angel wishes you lots of love this February. I also love to create poems and so there is one within this video called “Once There Was A Little Furry Kid” – let me know what you think?
I have noticed that a lot of asexuals love the company of furry kids and some would rather have the company of a pet than a human and certainly rather have the company of a pet, than live with a sexual person who has incompatible needs. What do you think about this idea? Can you relate?
Hope you love to Angel as much as I do. Stay ace xx
My Asexual Perspectives, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexuality Diversity book is now live and published on Amazon Kindle.
In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?
Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.
Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!
If you identify as asexual do you –
Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Feel alone?
Misunderstood?
Misplaced?
Broken?
Left out?
Not recognised?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.
In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!
In this book you will:
•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.
•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.
•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!
•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.
•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.
•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.
•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.
•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.
•Uncover the positives about being asexual.
•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.
I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.
If you have resonated with any of these points and you want to know more, please invest in this book and shop now, here https://amzn.to/2wsO8Oi
Heteroromantic, Author Sandra Bellamy is the founder of www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.
Behind The Scenes Of What A Writer’s Life Is Really Like
This is the second part of my two-part Asexual Perspectives behind the scenes of my book video series. – What a writer’s life is really like!!
As you can see from this pile of manuscript, lots of sweat and tears went into this book!
I hope you enjoy reading the book and if you purchase a copy, here https://amzn.to/2wsO8Oi please leave and honest review!!
Stay ace
Sandra xx
What is the hardest part of writing a book? BEHIND THE SCENES PART ONE. What is the hardest part of writing a book? Special Edition Video Series. In this video series I give you a behind the scenes look at what it is really like to be a writer and author. Part Two, in the next blog post, shows more of the making of the book and my daily routine.
UPDATE: This book is out now in both digital Kindle format as well as paperback here https://amzn.to/2wsO8Oi
Over Christmas it is important to look after you! Christmas can be a busy time with family and friends but you must remember to look after yourself too!
If Christmas is a lonely time for you and you are feeling depressed, check out how you can avoid feeling this way in my free newsletter http://eepurl.com/cuTRTj and don’t forget to subscribe!
I am still working hard to finish my Asexual Perspectives book to publish it asap. I am currently writing the final part of it. I will let you know when it has been published.
I have extended the Black Friday prices for the pre-January sale so you can still grab yourself a bargain!
Happy Christmas.
Sandra
Stay ace xx
