ASEXUAL AWARENESS WEEK 21-27TH OCTOBER 2018 – Coming Out As Asexual

Posted on by Asexualise

Today marks the start of Asexual Awareness Week from Oct 21st-27th 2018. Otherwise know as #aceweek.

This is the week that many people around the world go that extra mile to raise awareness of Asexuality and it is a huge opportunity for those who have not yet come out as asexual but been thinking about it for some time, to do just that, and come out. This could be to family, to friends, or to a loved one, or all 3.

If you are thinking about coming out but not sure how to go about it, one of the other speakers at the UK Asexuality Conference said they found it best to explain how they feel in regard to having sex, rather than at first say they are asexual, which can be harder to understand.

Before I knew I am asexual, I used to say to heterosexual guys I dated, that I didn’t like sex. I didn’t even know asexuality existed back then, but I knew I didn’t like sex. I think this is an easier concept to grasp because people can relate to the fact that not everyone likes doing everything, in this case sex, whereas a lack of sexual attraction is more harder to understand; unless you are asexual, it is something that is never usually talked about – not unless you are fortunate enough to have bumped into someone who is asexual in your life, or seen an article, documentary, or radio show about it, or you just happen to come across it online.

If you haven’t yet read my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I first discovered I am asexual in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor because I couldn’t date heterosexuals any more for fear of them wanting sex at the end of the date; it made me so very anxious that I almost wet myself. But, I said I still like kissing. She said she was very worried about me because I would have to have sex in order to keep a good guy. I was absolutely devastated as it was the worst thing she could have said to me, as I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Watch this short video above which explains that moment with the counsellor! https://youtu.be/2QDL9kHa-vQ

So after the counsellor said that to me, I got home and went online, I Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and that was when I discovered www.asexuality.org and asexuality, and after 3 weeks of research I finally understood not only that I am asexual, but what part of the asexual spectrum I was. It was a wonderful feeling of joy and relief to finally know there were others like me, who could live and love without sex.

What are you up to for Asexual Awareness Week?

In the last 3 weeks I have been preparing for Asexual Awareness Week by designing and producing lots of new Asexualise Asexual T-Shirts and merchandise for asexuals. Down below is a screenshot of some of those designs. Please click the following link for the full range of merchandise in my shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop.

Asexualise Awareness Week

Asexualise T-Shirts are now on amazon UK here https://amzn.to/2OCEl2U

Until next time, stay ace,

Sandra

Happy shopping https://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop

 

What Is The Asexual Pride Flag Meaning? What do the Asexual Pride Flag Colours Mean?

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual Clothing

Wearing Asexual clothing and having asexual accessories, makes you feel fantastic as an asexual because you are expressing your Asexual identity and showing you most definitely do exist.

Wearing Asexual clothing makes you feel empowered as an asexual and that you are truly living your asexual life and enjoying it. It makes you feel confident to be the wonderful and beautiful asexual you were always born to be!

Asexual Accessories can compliment your asexual clothes, and be as loud or as subtle as you wish them to be.

What’s Ace!

If you are not openly asexual, you can choose an asexual item that says ace on it, which is the slang term, or nickname word if you like, for being asexual, particularly when accompanied by the asexual flag colours, which are black, grey, white and purple.

What do the Asexual Pride Flag Colours Mean?

“The asexual pride flag consists of four horizontal stripes: black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom. … The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe representing the grey-area between sexual and asexual, the white stripe sexuality, and the purple stripe community.”

[Source Wikipedia.org]

Main article: Asexuality

Black, gray, white, purple stripes

The Asexual Pride Flag

“The asexual pride flag consists of four horizontal stripes: black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom.

In August 2010, after a process of getting the word out beyond the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) and to non-English speaking areas, a flag was chosen following a vote on a non-AVEN site. It has since been seen used on Tumblr in various LGBT areas, but had been seen alongside other sexual orientation flags previous to formal election. The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe representing the grey-area between sexual and asexual, the white stripe sexuality, and the purple stripe community.

The AVEN logo is a triangle fading from white to black to symbolise the gradient between sexuals, gray-asexuals, demisexuals, and asexuals.

The ace of spades and ace of hearts are also used as asexual symbols as “ace” is a phonetic shortening of asexual. Similarly, “aro” is commonly another abbreviation of aromantic. Generally, romantic asexuals use the ace of hearts as their symbol, and aromantic asexuals use the ace of spades.

Another common symbol for the asexual community is a black ring worn on the middle finger of their right hand. The material and exact design of the ring are not important as long as it is primarily black. This symbol also found its start on AVEN in 2005.”

[Source Wikipedia.org]

[WooZoneProducts asin=”B078X4529J,B076KZQLXR,B077F9YYTW,B07D9BKBMN,B077NWJVWB,B076KGWGHW,B07G2XJRH7,B072JJHM69,B071J9CL24,B07GG9MN6S,B07BPCHP2T,B07C73TWQV,B01MTSYGO6,B0776N78BZ,B07DLRWMY3,B076KQN3GN,B0763S4FNY,B0164CDC6Q,B07D4Z3RNT,B0731YQJCL”][/WooZoneProducts]

8 Reasons Why I Refuse To Date Sexuals!

Posted on by Asexualise

asexual reasons for not dating sexuals

8 Reason why I refuse to date sexuals:

  1. In my experience they cannot live happily forever without sex and I don’t like, need or want that, ever again in my life!The end!Okay, so I have some more reasons but they are linked to the first
  2. Their thinking is different.
  3. They cannot kiss for long periods of time without getting frustrated and pressurising to have sex with them.
  4. They would view a cute pair of PJs as something that needs to be removed quickly for sex. And I like wearing cute PJs and I don’t want sex.
  5. They may want to get their sexual needs met elsewhere and I am 100% a monogamous girl!
  6. They will usually end up going off with someone else due to the lack of sex.
  7. Incompatible needs and intentions.
  8. Can’t make each other happy sexually and that will inevitably lead to other problems such as resentment, unsatisfaction and lack of fulfilment, feeling neglected or rejected and communication becomes lacking as the gap between us widens.

To sum it up, we are just not compatible and I am not prepared to put myself through that heartache ever again.

There is however, someone in my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book who is asexual and said they are with a bisexual person and the sex (or lack of it) was never an issue. I think this is extremely rare, especially if the relationship is monogamous, but nothing is completely impossible in all cases.

As I update this blog post in September 2018, I did try dating a sexual for 2 months in 2017, and I stopped dating him because he turned out to be a real psycho not because of the no sex aspect – but that was also a huge worry for me and he even understood it was better for me to be with an asexual. A mutual friend afterwards said he would have cheated on you.

I know of one sexual person that is married to an aromantic asexual in a monogamous married relationship but the lack of sex makes them unhappy in the relationship aspect of their life. I also met a married couple at the UK Asexuality Conference and she is asexual and he is sexual – hooray for a supportive husband!

I tend to attract the highly sexual guys, so yeah, it would be great if they could live without sex, but they can’t in my experience. And ‘highly’ sexual is the clue! Plus I love Passionate kissing but never want sex, and like I said in my point (2) above, it is just too frustrating for them to do that and not get sex as the ‘reward’ or ‘prize’ they crave.

What is your thoughts? As an asexual, would you date a sexual?

Until next time, stay ACE!

Sandra xx

 

Welcome To Asexualise.com Live and Launched Reloaded

Posted on by Asexualise

Welcome to Asexualise.com. It’s ace to have you here and I hope you can grab yourself a cup of your favourite drink and a slice of your favourite cake, and get settled in to making this your new asexual home.

A lot has happened since I first published this blog post on April 12th 2016. Over 2 years ago! And today is 26th of August 2018.

Sandra Bellamy     

I was a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference last month.

I have my own Asexualise clothing brand on Amazon here and my own Redbubble shop here.

And now I have a shop on here in which I have gathered the best asexual products on Amazon for you in one place. Mostly they are from Amazon USA as currently they have more asexual products, so if they don’t ship to you, you can buy a range of products from my Redbubble shop.

Last month I also launched https://www.asexualiseacademy.com which is the world’s first online training centre and school for asexuals and asexuality. And I have a free 9 part video training series on there in asexuality basics for beginners! Which explains what asexuality is and what the asexual spectrum and aromatic spectrum is! So go there now and sign up and you will be taken to the Course Library page where you enter your details again to get the course for free.

I created this site especially for you, to empower and enhance your asexual life. Jammed packed with asexual products, social media resources, blog, and more; with more to come, I hope you will enjoy your stay. Enjoy the shop and resources here. If there is anything I can help you with, or any suggestions you have, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. Twitter http://www.twitter.com/acexualise or on my http://www.facebook.com/acexualise page or via the chat box on this site.

I aim to write more non-fiction books for asexuals in the future as well as in other niches. Writing is my hugest passion in life, although I have many others – including being quirky! And I love being asexual, it’s the best thing ever for me. I also plan to create paid for online training and coaching courses in the future; if you want more in-depth help with asexuality, such as increasing confidence and self-esteem, you will want to check those out when they appear on here. There will also be related courses too, such as “Power of One” How to supercharge your single life to feel happy and fulfilled forever. All of these are still yet to come, but they will be on my new www.asexualiseacademy.com

Remember you are ACE!

Sandra xx

ASEXUALITY CONFERENCE UK 2018 ASEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS DISCUSSION: WITH ASEXUALISE’S SANDRA BELLAMY

Posted on by Asexualise

Here is the first video (Asexual Relationships) from the Asexuality Conference UK. I was in a team 3 for this panel discussion and it is interesting to hear the varying viewpoints, and my short talk about Asexual Relationships starts about 03.48. My friend recorded this for me, and edited it for me. The person who introduces us did not want to be filmed, so you can only hear their voice and they have been cut out of any visuals.

 

David Jay Founder Of Asexuality.org Talks About Why Asexuals Still Need Connection!

Posted on by Asexualise
Connection speech from David Jay

If you have not seen this video yet, it is a must watch. David Jay is the founder of www.asexuality.org (AVEN), and discusses why asexuals who don’t want sex, still need connection!

Let me know what you think?

Until next time, stay ACE.

Sandra xx

Asexuality TedX Talk STORY OF SELF-EXPLORATION – ASEXUALITY TEDX YOUTH TALK!

Posted on by Asexualise

So I wanted to share some talks in the coming posts that others have done about asexuality. This one is a TedX Talk and I really enjoyed it! What do you think? In this Asexuality TedX talk Chantal Kelly tells her story of self-exploration.

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

YOUNG ASEXUAL LOVE – WHAT’S IT LIKE FOR AN OLDER ASEXUAL WOMAN TO LIKE YOUNGER ASEXUAL GUYS

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexual older girl looks for asexual younger guy

AGE GAP LOVE

So what’s it like for an older asexual woman to like younger asexual guys? It’s difficult, not from a loving part of view, but for the following reasons:

  • Because of the stigma surrounding older women liking younger guys – still! I could not care less what people think as I know I am meant to be with a younger guy, but it’s not just about me, it’s what the younger guy believes and his family – in a nutshell though, if he is not proud to be with me, he can take a hike as is obviously not right for me and it’s not meant to be! My parents are cool with me wanting to be with a much younger guy in birth certificate age in his 20s as they know how young I am, how young I like to be, and my young interests. An older guy, or anyone near my birth certificate age would be too old for me and not suitable!
  • Similarly you have the fact that some younger guys like an older woman but are secretive about it and may say loving, caring stuff towards you in private, then publicly pretend they don’t like older women – like why would they! At the end of the day, this guy is not worth my time and energy and it’s no go! They obviously have the problem not being able to authentically be themselves in life. Of course culture and background can influence this, but that does not mean it’s right or good for me. So it’s no go!
  • Because of the differences in being in two different countries – I have the added complication of preferring to be with an asexual foreign guy, rather than British, and I live in the UK and love it, and my specific flat I live in, so moving is not an option for me. And if for example, a guy is in his early 20s and lives abroad, he usually lacks the finances and resources to move over here, which leads to heartache and heartbreak – at best we remain friends, at worse it results in blocking this person out of my life for good.

It’s hard to find a younger foreign guy who is genuine about his feelings for me. Younger guys, in particularly foreign, as I have most experience with them, tend to be liars and not genuine in their feelings for me, and want to be with me to get something out of me, such as:

  • Marriage, which I don’t want ever anyway – so it’s nope!
  • To use me for my business brain to progress their own career – not with me – not happening! They want my business mentorship, they can pay for it like anyone else!
  • And similarly using me for business opportunities – not happening, I build my businesses from scratch and I work damn hard, so I am not about to give any of that over to someone I don’t know that well, who has just come into my life to take what he can get, not happening!
  • For me to give them job in the UK – No, if you want to be with me for me, go find your own job and work hard like I do.
  • For them to live with me. No, I rent, and love my flat, and only allowed one person to live in it, so that is not an option with me! I also like living on my own and have done so for years, if you want to live around the corner from me, that would be ace, but you need to be proactive with that and not expect to live with me as I am happier on my own in that respect.
  • For me to cook, clean, do housework, and “look after them”. No, no, no! I am not a mother or housemaid, cleaner upper, or slave! Not happening. I hate these things, so why would you want me to be unhappy in my life by expecting or wanting me to do these things for you? This is not putting my best interests at heart but yours, you must do you own housework, cooking, and cleaning! If you want to cook for me, fine, but don’t expect this back as I don’t like cooking or enjoy it, I will cook the bare minimum for myself only and do only the minimal amount of housework to get by! Life is for living, not focusing on housework and such! Doesn’t make me happy, so it’s not happening. If you want emotional support, I can give you that! If you want bestest ever friendship and a kind, caring, and loving life partner personality, I can give you that. If you want kisses and cuddles and someone to go out to the movies with to watch kids or superhero films and eat out, that would be ace! But you need to love me for me, not for what you can get out of me!

Aside from these complications, there is the feelings complications. What I mean by this is, I don’t feel comfortable being physically close to an older guy or a guy anywhere near my own with certificate age, it may seem ironic but I feel it would be liking dating my dad, not literally, but you get what I mean and that is gross!

I don’t see myself as the birth certificate age I am. I see myself as a young business girl, who is happy to look like a girl, with a lot of experience and knowledge, who is super intelligent, with some male traits, rather than being an adult “woman”. In fact I like to be called girl most of the time, not woman, apart from in business – then it’s okay to be called girl or woman!

With much younger (foreign) guys in their 20s, I can see me cuddling and kissing the right one, I can see me being in their cuddle, I don’t get this with older guys, I am not attracted to manly or macho men, can’t stand them to be honest! I don’t mind having older British guys as mates only and yes, I can hug them hello or goodbye, but that is it!

If I was with an older guy, he would be foreign, as I think foreign guys in general – look younger anyway most of the time! Or at least the ones I zoom in on more are, but I really cannot see me being with an older guy, only with a younger guy in his 20s. This is when I am my most comfortable, both talking wise, physically, and soulmate type wise! One day I hope my wish comes true because I really believe I am worth it and it would be ace!

Until next time, stay ace.

Sandra xx