What Does It Mean To Be Asexual? – What Is Asexuality?

Posted on by Asexualise

What does it mean to be asexual? Is something that many people are curious about. To be asexual means your sexual orientation is different to heterosexuals, pansexuals, bisexuals, and homosexuals, because those sexualities are all about who you are sexually attracted to, but asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction, and means in broad terms you are sexually attracted to no one. So you don’t look at any gender/person and think I want ‘sex with you’. You don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse, in fact you often feel that is one of the worse things you could be doing, and would much rather be doing other things.

An easy way to remember it, is that the word ‘A’ and the word ‘sexual’, are put together to form the word ‘Asexual’, and the ‘A’ stands for ‘absence of’ sexual attraction.

The full definition of Asexuality according to Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality :

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity

So this is where is can get a bit blurry, because many asexuals lack sexual attraction and others could just have low or absent interest in sexual activity, but still have some sexual attraction, yet not want to have sex or not be interested in sexual activities – in my experience these latter asexuals are usually on the Grey-Asexual end of the asexual spectrum. It also depends on how you define sexual activity. Some asexuals who lack sexual attraction, could participate sexual activities, and may like that, as sexual behaviour is not the same as sexual attraction. So for example, some asexuals may like to touch all over the body of their partner, and to touch the genitals of their partner and masturbate them, but not want sex, and never feel the need, urge, or want for sex. Many others will be completely repulsed by that idea. Or they may like doing sexual activities with themselves, such as masturbating themselves, whether that be manually with their hands/fingers, or using sex toys, but not with anyone else. Not all asexuals masturbate, but a number of them do, and they would rather do that than have anyone else doing sexual acts with them. Some asexuals still have a sex drive, but it’s not aimed at anyone and others still get aroused, but that arousal doesn’t lead to a need, urge, or want, to have partnered sexual intercourse, it’s just something their body does naturally. Some asexuals are romantic and still experience romantic attraction and others experience no romantic attraction.

  • Attraction to the opposite gender romantically = heteroromantic
  • Attraction to the same gender romantically = homoromantic
  • Attracted to both the same and opposite gender = biromantic
  • Attraction to any possible gender romantically = panromantic
  • Asexual and no romantic attraction = aromantic asexual (You can also get aromantic sexuals, those who do want sex, and do experience sexual attraction, but are not romantic)

So if you look at anyone and think, I want to have sex with you and you would have it in reality with them, given the chance, you would NOT be asexual. 

So asexuality is a spectrum, ranging from those who experience no sexual attraction and no romantic attraction, to those who experience romantic attraction but no sexual attraction, to those who are on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum and may experience sexual attraction, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, but not enough to want to act on it. (There are also lots of sub-identities too on this spectrum, but I want to stick to basics for this article.) There are also people who are known as demisexual, which falls under Grey Asexuality, and means they don’t experience sexual attraction at all, unless and until, a very deep emotional bond has been formed. The bond usually also has to be maintained and sustained for the sexual attraction to still exist. Some demisexuals can live quite happily without sex ever, even if they do form that bond and experience sexual attraction, others need to have sex in a relationship, once they experience sexual attraction, which is no good if they are in a relationship with a monogamous sex-repulsed asexual who doesn’t want sex ever, and especially if they don’t want to do any sexual activities either.

There is also an aromatic spectrum:

  • Aromantic = no romantic attraction
  • Grey-Romantic = can experience romantic attraction, in limited, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, but not enough to want to act on it
  • Demi-Romantic = can experience romantic attraction only when a deep emotional bond has been formed
  • Cupioromantic = desires to have a romantic relationship and be romantic, despite not experiencing romantic attraction

So there is a lot of things to consider when you first discover you are asexual and where you fall on the asexual spectrum. If you want to know more about asexuality and you want to be shown what the asexual spectrum is, rather than just be given text book definitions, and to read 47 different asexual perspectives on love, life and sex, and what it feels like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world, and get the best advice on how to survive it, get a copy of ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 Asexual Stories: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY here https://amzn.to/2L9Y9qI 

If you have fibromyalgia, or you suffer with depression or anxiety, you should check out my autobiographical Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook as not only does it mention asexuality in the book, it also explains how to overcome depression and decrease your anxiety, and the techniques work, regardless of whether you have fibromyalgia or not. I know a lot of asexuals who have depression and anxiety, and this book will really help with that, check out www.acefibrogirl.com and see the reviews – which are by asexuals who don’t have fibro, and it helped them! https://amzn.to/2Y8msdZ

Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook

Looking for asexual merch? https://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop

 

10 Common Myths About Asexuals and Asexuality – BUSTED!

Posted on by Asexualise
Myths about asexuals and asexuality

There are many common myths about asexuals and asexuality. Some due to ignorance, some due to closed mindedness and others are just outright confused, which I put largely down to a lack of education and societal conditioning! So here are 10 Common myths about asexuals and asexuality – busted!

  1. Asexuals never have sex – Simply not true. Some asexuals never have sex and others choose to do it or try it, for whatever reason. This could be to please a partner; to do it as an activity to do, which they may even find fun, like a bored game; or to have kids.
  2. If asexuals don’t have sex, then they never masturbate! – Not true! Whilst some asexuals don’t ever masturbate, other’s do, because they do have a libido, despite it not being aimed at any one, as they don’t experience sexual attraction.
  3. Asexuals are asexual because they “can’t get laid” – Not true. Asexuals can have sex if they want to, many don’t want to as they are not sexually attracted to anyone and so sex does not appeal to them. However, some asexuals do have sex and I am asexual and had sex in the past with some of my heterosexual ex boyfriends. I don’t want to have sex ever again, as these days I am personally sex-repulsed for me.
  4. Asexuals are just people who can’t get dates – Wrong. Many asexuals can get dates, but with sex usually expected at the end of the date, many asexuals would rather not bother. On the other hand, if sex is not on the table, then  a large number of sexuals won’t want to have a date with an asexual, (unless they believe we will change our mind about having sex if we previously said we don’t want it), because they want sex and it’s important that they get it, and if they don’t, there is a lower incentive for them to date an asexual – Even though we have got many awesome qualities and can make someone happy without sex, some sexuals need sex, and that is it!
  5. Asexuals never have any sexual behaviour! – Not true. Whilst some don’t exhibit any sexual behaviour, others do! Sometimes this is behind closed doors, such as masturbating themselves, or they may have oral sex, anal sex, or masturbate their partner! It may also be in front of others, such as dancing very sexily, like grinding!
  6. If someone is asexual then it means they are gay or lesbian – Wrong. Whilst asexuality is considered to be part of the LGBT+QIA acronym – the A standing for asexual, but some also consider it to stand for Allie, Agender or Androgynous , it does not mean all asexuals are gay and lesbian, in fact in terms of not being sexually attracted to anyone, gay or lesbian may be considered the wrong term to use for those who are attracted to the same gender, just not sexually. However, some asexuals may identify as a gay or lesbian asexual – for example a homoromantic; homo – meaning attracted to the same gender, romantic – meaning they are attracted romantically (to the same gender). And some asexuals like me, identify as heteroromantic. Hetero – meaning attracted to the opposite gender – romantically. It does annoy me when I say to someone I am asexual and they say, “So you’re a lesbian then” and I say, “No, I am attracted only to guys, but romantically, not sexually. I love to kiss, cuddle and hold their hand, but I don’t want sex with them as I don’t experience any sexual attraction. I have had sex in the past because I thought I had to, as part of a ‘normal’ relationship, before I found out I am asexual! I have gay and lesbian friends, but I am not a lesbian.”
  7. Asexuals never get attracted to anyone. Wrong again! Some asexuals, for example some aromantic asexuals – those who are neither romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, may not experience any type of attraction to anyone, others will likely experience platonic attraction. Many other types of asexuals do experience some form of attraction, even though it’s not sexual. So they could experience romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, intelligence attraction, spiritual attraction, emotional attraction. And in my case I experience all those towards different guys, and I also experience creative attraction and clothes attraction. So I get super attracted to guys who are creative and making things and doing stuff. I also get attracted to guys wearing certain types of clothes, such as the ‘street’ look, or a black and white suit! And as part of my intelligence attraction, I get super attracted to guys who are into IT, and can build websites and code! With that attraction, coupled with romance and intelligence attraction, well I just want to snog (passionately kiss) the guy! I am a rare asexual in that I don’t experience any platonic attraction, which means I get some type of attraction for my close guy friends even, which can be rather annoying at times, as I don’t wish to feel romantic over a guy who is just a friend, but as I am also a hyper-romantic, I just have to let myself feel these feelings and accept they are a part of me. Resisting them makes things worse, so it’s best just to be open, upfront and honest about it. And no, I don’t want multiple partners as I am fiercely monogamous, not polyamorous. I would rather focus my attractions towards one romantic partner, if I had one.
  8. Asexuals never watch porn! This isn’t true either! Whilst there are asexuals, like me, who never ‘watch’ porn, in fact I personally detest it, I know some asexuals that do watch porn. Many asexuals who do this, say it helps them to masturbate, which they want to do, to relive their libido.
  9. Asexuals never participate in BDSM! Nope! This isn’t true! Some asexuals do participate in BDSM, just without the sexual intercourse. Some asexuals who do have sex, may participate in BDSM whilst also having sex. I personally hate BDSM and want to run a mile from anyone wanting to do that to/with me. Luckily not one heterosexual ex, ever even hinted at that.
  10. Asexuals never have any fetishes! Still wrong! Some asexuals do have fetishes. I have known a few asexual guys who have foot fetishes for example, which makes them want to massage a partner’s feet, and pay close attention to their feet, without the person putting their foot in their penis and stroking their penis with it – which apparently is what a sexual guy likes to do, if he has a foot fetish, or so I was told by one asexual guy, but as I don’t get involved with fetishes either, and I thankfully have not had a relationship in the past with a guy like this, which is my preference, then I have no hands on experience of this, if you pardon the pun!

At the end of the day, ALL asexuals are different and whatever they do or don’t like is up to them and it’s up to you! Our difference is our beauty and it’s more important to be a diverse group of people than copycats of others. There is no one size fits all, when it comes to being asexual or having asexuality as your sexual orientation and that’s ACE!

To quote Wikipedia, the full definition of asexuality is:

“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7]”

If you want to discover more about these asexual myths and other myths and stereotypes of asexuality, check out my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book on Amazon, here https://amzn.to/2nttgoD 

Until next time, always stay ACE!

And don’t forget to share this post for Asexual Awareness Week from Sunday 20th of October – Saturday 26th of October 2019, to educate others about asexuality!

Sandra xx

Sex, Sexuality and being Asexual

Posted on by Asexualise

No matter what sexuality you are, embrace it and each others. Accept people for who they are, including their sexuality, and love them as if you would love yourself. This is the powerful message I share in this video, and this was on my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel, even before I started my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel, later that same year, in 2015.

I have both asexual and highly sexual heterosexual friends. I respect people for who they are, and despite not wanting sex again in my life for myself, I see nothing wrong with sexuals enjoying sex if it’s consensual and no one is getting hurt in the process. However, I do feel that asexual love is a far more pure love in the sense that genitals are not needed to be involved. Do you agree?

It you want to receive life hacks on how to live your best life, be your best self, and live your purpose, hit the subscribe button on my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel now! And if you are not already subscribed to my Asexualise channel, please do so now, here www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife Don’t forget to hit that bell icon so you get notified of every time I go live or post a new video. I do a daily live stream show where you can ask me anything you like about asexuality, in the live chat.

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

18 Benefits Of Being Asexual And Not Sexually Attracted To Anyone!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexualise T Shirt18 benefits of being asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone!

1 – We can easily say no to those asking for sex.

2 – We can easily block those people who message us to be friends but really want sex.

3 – We can dance in nightclubs and bars, knowing no matter how much someone pleads with us to have sex, the answer is no.

4 – When someone offers in a bar or club to go back to theirs for a drink, we know it means sex and can say a definite no.

5 – We are careful who we add to our Facebook friends list because we have high standards and don’t want sex.

6 – We understand that the majority of people who say let’s do Netflix and chill, really mean let’s have sex and get hot and sweaty.

7 – We don’t have to dress up and put makeup on to be appealing for having sex, we can just chill in our pjs or superhero/cute outfits and have fun.

8 – We can kiss and touch if we want to, without it ever leading to sex.

9 – We cannot get pregnant from all that sex we are not having.

10 – We have more time and energy to do other things and be productive, whilst others are having sex and preparing themselves for it.

11 – We can be trusted to never physically cheat on you, because we don’t ever want sex with anyone. We are more loyal and faithful in this way, by default.

12 – We can experience multiple other attractions, just not sexual. And we can separate these different types of attractions.

13 – We can potentially be in a relationship with someone who is impotent, celibate, or who has a disability which prevents them from having sex. Because we don’t ever need sex. And we can love them as they are.

14 – Our love for someone is based more on a person’s personality, and their heart, mind, and soul, because we don’t need their genitals to keep up happy and attract us to them.

15 – Our love is based on a deep emotional connection, that needs to be maintained and sustained, to have a long, loving, happy, healthy, relationship, because it’s not based on sex but bestest ever friendship and soulmate connection. In this way it’s the purest love you can get, as genitals are not involved.

16 – Asexuals who want a serious relationship are more likely to put the time, energy, and effort, into getting a relationship and making it work, as it’s rarer for us to be able to get someone in the first place.

17 – Asexuals are more likely to get into relationships with people they have lots in common with, such as hobbies and interests, so there is more chance of longevity.

18 – Asexuals are different and their uniqueness is their gift the world. We are free of conditioning and social conformities, and have the ability to see people and the world, in a completely different way to everyone else. Which is like a superpower and special gift.

 

These are 18 benefits of asexuals who are not sexually attracted to anyone! Asexuality is a spectrum, so in general, those on the Grey Asexual end of the asexual spectrum, can sometimes feel sexual attraction, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances. Or they can experience it, but not enough to want to act on it.

Also some asexuals can cheat emotionally and also I have known of a few who are chatting up multiple women at once, or in a relationship and still pursuing another with someone else.

Some asexuals who love sexuals, can find it hard to say no to having sex, or to stop the connection. This is why it’s super important to be upfront and honest about the fact you are asexual before you get into a relationship, especially if you don’t want sex at all. Remember it’s your body and your life, and you always have the ability to walk away. And if you discovered you are asexual while in a relationship, always remember, it’s better to be single, than to be with someone who is sexually incompatible and you can’t make each other happy. There are a few sexuals who can be in relationships with asexuals without sex, and if you are an asexual person who doesn’t mind having sex, then a relationship with a sexual person could work, depending on if you can both agree on standards, boundaries, and expectations for the relationship, both now and for your future together, to be happy and satisfying to both/all people concerned.

Emmerdale UK Soap Character Liv Is Asexual

Posted on by Asexualise
Liv is asexual

EMMERDALE CHARACTER LIV IS ASEXUAL – COULD THIS FINALLY BE THE RECOGNITION ASEXUALS NEED FOR SOCIETY TO ACCEPT US?

Finally we have an asexual character in a major soap opera, in the UK. Emmerdale character Liv is asexual. Could this finally be the recognition asexuals need for society to accept us? https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/30/emmerdale-spoilers-liv-flaherty-opens-up-to-jacob-gallagher-about-her-asexuality-during-a-date-8348471/

Although there is far more media publicity about asexuality than there ever was before, with articles, radio interviews, and a few documentaries popping up, including one on Sky News, and one last year with BBC3, I believe what we really need is to have asexuals to be seen in the media for prologue periods of time, and consistently. Rather than there only being one article, radio or TV interview, as and when! This is why I am so thrilled that Liv is asexual, and that finally it should lead to the recognition asexuality deserves within society, as a sexual orientation in its own right.

Having Liv as the first asexual character of a major soap in the UK, will, I believe, pave the way forward for other soaps to follow suit! What happens in Emmerdale, usually emerges soon after in Coronation Street, and Eastenders. So not only will this Emmerdale storyline be amazing for asexuality, in and of itself, it should have a domino effect and rollout into all the other major UK soaps, which in turn should push other TV programmes to do the same, and asexuality should finally start appearing in major films too. If fact, it’s already happening in other soaps! With Tyrone in Coronation Street mentioning the word Asexual, before Emmerdale does in its programme!

Can’t wait to find out which character they confirm is asexual, I’m waiting for it …

I have been approached by people who have revealed their plans for getting asexuality to a more global audience, such as through films, so lets see what happens. I am excited about what the future holds for asexuals and asexuality.

Until next time, as always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

ASEXUALISE DATING SUCCESS STORY | How Two Asexual Grey Romantics Found Love In Asexualise No Sex Dating Group!

Posted on by Asexualise

I am absolutely thrilled that two people in my Asexualise Dating group, specifically for asexuals who never want sex, have formed a meaningful asexual no sex relationship! And what’s particularly interesting with this success story, is both the happy couple are on the aromantic asexual spectrum (those who lack romantic attraction and sexual attraction). Asexual Love is ace!

I interviewed Patricia to discover more about how this asexual relationship started. Here are her answers told in her own words …

What was your relationship status was before you joined the group and what difficulties you were having finding someone suitable for a relationship?

I was single when I joined the group. I wasn’t really having a hard time with finding a relationship. It wasn’t an important thing in my life. It just wasn’t the most important thing.

How did you come across the Asexualise Dating group specifically for those who never want sex?

I came across the group looking for friends and if it turns into something else great. I was in other ace groups and I saw this one and decided to give it a go. I wasn’t too sure what to expect with a relationship. I have seen a lot of older movies with romance, so I kinda think I know what I want.

How long was it before you found your potential partner in the group?

I’m not sure. I’m bad with timeframes. I met one guy. He wasn’t supportive. My last friend died and I told him and he gave me no support. Next was Eric who I’m seeing now. So maybe a year.

Were there people in the group you liked before you met your partner but for some reason they weren’t suitable?

I never really looked for someone because I’m ace grey aromantic. So it’s wasn’t a huge thing, but I was interested in what I could find.

Who made the first move in terms of messaging and what happened?

Eric did I believe. We started talking in your Asexualise No Sex Dating group in September 2017 and continue talking. We got together in July 2018. I asked him with nervousness, and we felt the same! We had more of the cicadas that summer, and I would call him up as I walked to the senior centre where I volunteer. I would freak out over the birds shadow thinking it would be a cicada and I don’t want to deal with that! I hate bugs! But it’s nice… to have company on my walks. We make each other laugh. We both love video games, we both love nature. He has some albinism so he doesn’t like brightness. But I’m excited to learn Swedish. I’ve always liked the idea of Sweden since I watch the YouTuber PewDiePie. So I’m excited for that.

I know you both live in different countries. How are you planning to move over there? When will this happen? Do you already have a job lined up and will you live together or not at first?

Okay this a long one. He lives in Sweden. I live in the USA. I’m planning to apply for citizenship, but I have to live in the USA for a year, so probably in 2020 I will move. I don’t know when in 2020 though. I plan on moving into his apartment. It will be awkward at first because I have lived on my own for so long, as he has also. So yeah, it will be awkward. I don’t currently have a job, I’m unable to work. I have a cat and puppy, both female.They will be coming too. So no, I don’t have a job lined up, I plan on applying for sick pay. It will also be a good mental and emotional health booster to get away from toxic family members.

Also he and I want a Nordic wedding. NO real wedding plans yet! Just silly talk of it. But I do make jokes that I want an all white wedding, but would he blend in as he has some albino in him, lol! We haven’t said, “I love you yet” but we may in the future when we are physically together.

What would you say to anyone else who is asexual and not looking for sex ever and thinking about joining the group?

I would say, finding a partner takes time and could take longer than me. Moving would be a big thing, but it will need to be done for it to work out.

What advice would you give to other asexuals in general, who are looking for a serious relationship with another asexual without sex?

It takes time. Friendships are important to make as they could turn into something more. When going into the dating scene look for a friendship first. Let it grow. Take your time. Don’t rush.

I need to stress it is so important to have a caring and supportive relationship. He and I are so caring and supportive of each other. I love how we can laugh about things. Also I tend to rant and he will calmly let me know and I stop. He doesn’t judge. I don’t either. If people want to get an idea of how we are, just look up the gif series milkandmocha (milk and mocha) it’s sooo us!

Don’t give up. There is hope for those who are ace and grey aromantics, because Eric and I are both grey aro and we were lucky enough to find each other. I’m agender though and he respects that. That makes me happy. So yeah we make each other very happy.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you are reading this and you are asexual (not sexual), and you want to join this Asexualise no sex dating group, for asexuals who never want sex, how can you apply?

If you are asexual, single, and never want sex, ever, you can apply to be in my Asexualise Dating group, for asexuals who are looking for a serious and committed no sex ever relationship. There will be questions to answer in order to gain access to the group and not everyone is guaranteed to be accepted, however, many are! Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/acexualisedating/

If however you are on the more Grey Asexual or Demisexual end of the Asexual Spectrum and/or, you may want or be wiling to have sex upon occasion, then please don’t request to be in my no sex ever dating group and request to be in this one instead https://www.facebook.com/groups/greyacexualdatinganddemiacexualdating/

If you are asexual and just looking for asexual friends, then please request to join this group https://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus/

Thanks so much to Patricia and Eric for sharing their wonderful Asexualise Dating successful love story and explaining how they met in my Asexualise Dating group, which is specifically for those asexuals who never want sex ever. I wish you lots of love and happiness forever xx

And if you are looking for more relationship insights, don’t forget to get a copy of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book here  ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES

BOOK: KINDLE http://amzn.to/2l8kppt

PAPERBACK: http://amzn.to/2td7y8D (UK) http://amzn.to/2tMXhls

PDF https://sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net

Until next time, as always, stay ace!

Sandra xx

Life without sex – Asexuality explained | Asexuality Documentary Sky News! | Asexuality stereotypes busted!

Posted on by Asexualise

You can’t be sexy if you are asexual – Asexuality myth busted!

Sky News – Life without sex asexuality documentary – Asexuality Explained
Asexuality stereotypes busted! Heteronormative myths busted

In this Sky News life without sex asexuality documentary, asexuality is explained and asexual stereotypes are busted! Yasmin’s outer appearance when modelling is that of a very sexy, raunchy girl, who oozes sex appeal to many, yet she confesses she is asexual and aromantic; she lacks both sexual and romantic attraction, and she doesn’t pursue romantic relationships. When asked in this life without sex asexuality documentary how her modelling works with her asexuality when she is modelling in this highly sexualised environment, she says, “I’m not trying to sell myself – I’m selling a product”. She goes onto explain she started the #thisiswhatasexuallookslike because there is so many stereotypes surrounding asexuality and “lets give the diversity to asexual people to show who they are’.

You can’t be married, in a relationship, or love someone without sex! – Heteronormative myth busted!

In this documentary there is also a homoromantic guy couple (gay asexuals) Thom and Steve Winter-Gray, who have been married for 18 months. They explain that they both lack sexual attraction, but are romantic, they still like to kiss and cuddle, they just don’t have sex, and it’s more than just a bromance or platonic, it’s love, just they don’t experience sexual attraction and sex is not involved. They make an analogy to people loving their mum, dad, aunt, uncle, dogs, cats, and pets, but when asking people if they would have sex with them, people say no I don’t, and they said that is how it works for them.

Everyone loves sex, feels sexual attraction and wants it! – Heteronormative myth busted!

And finally there is a teenager, Emi Salida, who is a sex repulsed asexual. She explains how she is disconnected to sex and imagining certain people she has known before they get into a sexual relationship in a sexual context “it makes my brain kinda crash a little bit”.
Watch this amazing life without sex asexuality documentary, asexuality explained Sky News documentary!

And if you are looking for more real life asexual stories told in their own words, you can buy a copy of my Asexual Perspectives book here

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES BOOK: KINDLE http://amzn.to/2l8kppt
PAPERBACK: http://amzn.to/2td7y8D  (UK) http://amzn.to/2tMXhls
PDF https://sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net

Until next time, subscribe to this blog and stay ace!
Sandra xx

What Is The Difference Between Having Sex And Making Love?

Posted on by Asexualise

What is the difference between having sex and making love?

So you may be wondering as an asexual why I am talking about the difference between having sex and making love, well you will need to watch the video to find out, but all I can say is it seems many heterosexuals don’t understand the difference even. It took me ages to get it, and then the penny dropped!

If you are ever attempting to have a relationship with a sexual and you think you will even a tiny bit contemplate having sex at some point, this video is an absolute must watch for getting at least some satisfaction out of the experience – even if it’s not totally in the conventional sense!

Hope you find this video helpful, useful, and insightful? If you do, please subscribe to my channel, hit the thumbs up on this video, and hit the bell icon so you get notified of every time I post a new video or go live! And be sure to share this video with a friend or anyone who may benefit from it!

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

What Do Asexuals Do With All That Time They’re Not Having Sex?

Posted on by Asexualise

Sex seems like a big deal and important thing to many people in this highly sexualised world. It is often given huge priority in the media we consume; the news stories we read, the music we listen to, the movies, TV Programmes and adverts we watch, and the magazine and new articles we read. And if you can’t physically have sex, there is often a pill for you to consume to ‘fix’ the physical problem – where’s the psychological support and the assurance that if you can’t get it up, it’s okay – you are still worthy of love, just for being beautiful you?

It seems there is no getting away from it, that sex is what is on the minds of a lot of people, and whilst those who have a physical ‘problem’ are always SOLD ways to fix it and them, there are also people who identify as asexual in sexual orientation. Unlike impotency, many asexuals have the physical capacity to have sex, but simple don’t want it, aren’t bothered about it, don’t wish to instigate it, or to have it. To many asexuals it seems like the world is an alien one, with a lack of understanding; I just don’t like, want, or need sex, ever, and like being that way, so accept it, embrace it, and a NEW way of thinking that stretches the possibilities of your mind and helps you dive deeper into mostly unchartered territory that is usually graced by asexuals, rather than the aliens themselves.

Although some asexuals do have sex, there are many who don’t, and there are a million and one things asexuals would rather be doing instead of having sex! So with the asexuals who don’t partake in sex at all, what do they fill that time with, that most conventional people would be busy using to think about; watch, read, or have, sex?

This list in not exhaustive and not everything applies to every asexual, including me, but is a general list from observation of talking with asexuals both online and in person, from being on asexual dating sites for 4 years, from seeing forum posts and social media posts, and from running 5 asexual groups.

  • Education, course taking, and more course taking.
  • Reading books.
  • Playing with their cat (or other furry kids).
  • Playing a lot of games; online games, games in forum threads, and board games.
  • Playing video games, video games, and more video games, (it deserved its own bullet point!)
  • Travelling abroad and on day trips in their own country.
  • Hanging out with friends both in person and in online forums.
  • Hiking.
  • Camping.
  • Sport.
  • Eating – we love our food! (Hence the cake is better than sex joke in the Asexual Community!)
  • Creative pursuits such as making things out of wood, glass, textiles.
  • Writing.
  • Photography.
  • Singing.
  • Dancing.
  • Netflix and binge watching TV.
  • Going to the cinema.
  • Superhero film watching and horror (I watch the former, not the latter – but horror is popular among many asexuals!)
  • Watching Sci-fi programmes.
  • Listening to music.
  • YouTube Presenting.
  • Podcasting.
  • Asexual activism and fighting other causes.
  • Discussing what we would rather be doing instead of having sex and that we simply don’t get the big deal that many make out of it!

What would you like to add to the list? Comment below!

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx

What it’s like dating when you are asexual! #asexuality #relationships #dating

Posted on by Asexualise

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In September, I was featured in an Article on the Femedic website about what it’s like dating when you are asexual!

Here is the link to the full article https://thefemedic.com/sexual-health/what-like-dating-asexual/

Above is a video with me talking about it, that was a live stream recording!

I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, so very proud of that!

As always, stay ace

Sandra xx