Yes, you did read right, Sacrifices Asexuals Make For Sexuals! Not the other way around. How many times have you heard, he, she, they, are making a huge sacrifice by being with you and abstaining from sex, because they care about you and love you? You should be grateful; thankful; look at what they are doing for you!!!

It’s not like their penis is going to drop off or their vagina is going to shrivel up if they don’t have partnered sex. There is always masturbation, which can be an art form in itself and challenging enough to get yourself good at. In fact, I have a gay friend at my current day job, who loves a lot of sex as a hobby, he has been single for years. He always says how he can give himself better sex than others can do for him. I have heard others say this too.

So what sacrifices do asexuals make for sexuals?

Whilever an asexual is in a relationship with a sexual, there is the constant worry or concern, if in a monogamous relationship, that their partner may cheat and have sex with someone else. Sexuals won’t usually have to worry about this with asexuals – lucky them!! However, this can be very anxiety inducing for asexuals, which is turn can reduce everyday happiness and pump up stress levels, having a negative impact on their body; emotional wellbeing; mindset; and can be soul crushing.

Trust can understandably be difficult for aexuals because of the risk of their sexual partner cheating, yet asexuals are somehow just ‘meant’ to trust them and are often considered as being unreasonable when they say they find it hard to trust. Trust is earnt, not a given, and shouldn’t just be expected.

If a sexual is giving up sex for an asexual, the asexual can feel guilty about it, or highly privileged and put their partner on a pedestal. This can lead to them accepting bad behaviour from a partner and abuse.

Asexuals can be starved of kisses, romance and affection. Some sexuals withhold kisses, romance, and affection, from their asexual partner, if they are not having sex. The sexual can feel frustrated that they are not getting the sex they want and as they often see kissing and affection as a prerequisite to sex, if they are not getting sex as an end result, they don’t see the point of why they should do that. This can be very controlling and emotionally manipulative for the asexual and in turn lead to unhappiness, tears and distance between each other. It is upsetting for the asexual because they still love their partner and still often need that closeness, just not the intercourse. An asexual may put up with this lack of romance, kissing and affection, because they love their partner so much. They are sacrificing their own happiness to be with a partner who they love, but who is not physically demonstrating they love them back.

Some asexuals will have sex with their partner to please them, even if they don’t really want to. This can feel like self-abuse and lead to psychological trauma, not to mention be physically anxiety inducing.

There is a higher risk of potential rape if they don’t want sex ever. Their partner may pounce on them – in this way they are risking their life to be with a sexual, as well as unexpected or unwanted pregnancy.

An asexual can be made to feel bad by a sexual if they don’t have sex, to coerce them into having it. They can be accused by their partner of not loving them and that can be so harmful and hurtful for the asexual. It can result in the asexual being emotionally blackmailed into sex, and constantly feel like they may lose their partner at any given moment if they don’t comply.

An asexual can feel deeply misunderstood by their sexual partner and lonely in the relationship with them, especially if the sexual refuses to understand, won’t try to learn about asexuality, or even entertain the notion of what it really means to be asexual. The sexual can keep putting pressure on the asexual to change, or keep saying they feel rejected, which in turn makes the asexual feel bad about themselves and can lower their confidence and self-esteem. Just because the asexual does not get the urge, want, or need to have sex with them, does not mean to say they do not love their partner, but when their partner associates sex with love, they are trapped in an endless cycle of a ‘loveless’ relationship, when both partners could love each other, just they express it different ways. But the sexual can’t see past the sex-love equation and the asexual can feel in despair and hopeless just for being asexual in orientation and being able to love without sex. Just like the sexual may feel frustrated for not getting the sex they want, the relationship can be equally frustrating for asexuals in this way, as they cannot understand why the sexual cannot just love them without sex. At the end of the day, if something happened to the sexual and they could not have sex for any reason, the asexual would still be with them.

If a sexual tells a monogamous asexual they can live without sex, there is always the potential risk they could change their mind at any point and this can be a constant worry for the asexual. And if this happens, the asexual is backed into a corner. If they don’t want their partner to have sex with anyone else, they are forced to choose to have sex to please their partner; compromise themselves sexually in some other way; put up with their partner constantly complaining and being unhappy about not getting enough sex – or they have to leave their partner, which many won’t do because of the strong emotional bond that they have formed or because they are married. OR their partner leaves them and they have wasted all that time and energy on someone who could not love them for who they are, while missing out on asexual love with another asexual.

So all in all, asexuals sacrifice so much to be with a sexual. That is it really worth all that hassle, pain and tears? I am sure from reading a lot of comments from asexuals in forums and groups, that the majority would prefer to be in a relationship with another asexual. With just a recorded 1% of the population being asexual, it means there is a higher chance of an asexual being with a sexual. If we had more asexuals coming out, I think more asexuals could have happier, healthier, and more loving relationships with other asexuals.

So if a sexual is reading this, you should be truly grateful, thankful, and appreciative of everything an asexual sacrifices for you. You gave up sex, look at what they are giving up for you! Look at the lifestyle and physical closeness they are potentially missing out on having with another asexual, just to be with you. Look at all the risks, worry, anxiety they can encounter, all the while they are loving you and being physically faithful to you! Look how much an asexual can love you for you without the sex. Just imagine how much happier they would potentially be with another asexual and what they are giving up for you!

 

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