Asexual Dating: What is an Asexual Womaniser? How to spot an Asexual Womaniser!

Posted on by Asexualise
ace womaniser

Did you know asexual guys can be womanisers too?

Is this video I explain how to spot an asexual womaniser – the asexual guys who go around chatting up multiple women; who date multiple women and make them feel like they are the ‘one’ for them; and who may be in a relationship and trying to get into another one, despite saying they are monogamous. There are no doubt manisers too, as I am heteroromantic, I am speaking from own personal experience.

I hope you find this helpful?

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx

What is it really like for an asexual who does not have sex? 20 benefits of no sex for an asexual!

Posted on by Asexualise

What is it really like for an asexual who does not have sex?

I recently published this video about not missing out because I have had no sex since 2011, and I still say the same thing as I did in the video below, in 2015, that it feels fantastic – to not have sex!

These are some of the other benefits of no sex for me!

  1. No worries about getting pregnant.
  2. I don’t have to take the contraceptive pill that has side effects and can make you feel ill.
  3. No worries about STDs and no need to be tested for that.
  4. Less anxiety, worry, and stress, in general.
  5. No feeling raw and upset after sex.
  6. No getting bored from having sex with a guy who does no foreplay. (Foreplay is fine and can be enjoyable with the right person in a serious committed relationship, sex is boring with most guys, or really not worth it, or I would rather be doing something else.)
  7. Less chance of being with a guy who will pounce on me for sex.
  8. No expectations of sex means I can relax and chill more.
  9. No forcing myself to do something that does not feel good to me and I am not comfortable doing.
  10. A sense of relief that I don’t have to be something I am not.
  11. No having to please a partner in that way if I had one.
  12. No pain from doing that.
  13. I can relax around asexual guys.
  14. I can make lots of asexual friends as I am not focused on getting a sexual boyfriend and having to have sex.
  15. I can avoid getting into relationships with sexual guys that are no good for me.
  16. I have a chance of finding real and true love without sex.
  17. I can kiss without sex, which is far more pleasurable for me.
  18. I have more time to focus on my career and do other activities that are worthwhile and can be life transforming.
  19. It’s liberating to be free from something that goes against ones own soul and natural being/personality.
  20. I feel happier. I feel I am more me, and can live my life my way without being tied to convention.

As you can see from my list of 20 benefits of no sex for an asexual, there are a ton of reasons why I am so happy I don’t have sex. What’s yours?

Until next time, stay ace! Sandra xx

10 Awesome Benefits To NOT Having Sex!

Posted on by Asexualise

Here are 10 Awesome Benefits To NOT Having Sex!

1) You don’t have to worry about getting a STD.

2) No risk of getting pregnant or of getting someone pregnant.

3) No pressure or expectation to perform.

4) You will be loved for who you are, not for how many orgasms you can attempt to give or have.

5) Less mess and changing of bed sheets!

6) Relationship compatibility is increased because there is more focus on shared mutual interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes – rather than sexual attraction being the primary reason for the relationship to start and continue.

7) Less divorce rates due to impotency or lack of sex, if you are not having it anyway.

8) You have more time to focus on other things.

9) You don’t have to feel guilty if you are too tired to have sex or not in the mood.

10) There is more chance of getting to the root of relationship problems, and either sorting them out or cutting your losses sooner – rather than using sex as a kiss and make-up mask over the problem – leading to more frustration, hurt and pain, later on!

Asexualise.com Re-launch! Asexualise Back Live and Looking lush!!!! Asexualise.com Gets a Makeover!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexualise.com Re-launch! Asexualise Back Live and Looking lush!!!! Asexualise.com Gets a Makeover! Yes, it’s true! What do you think of the new look??

Unfortunately some of my other websites were hacked and my web host suspended all my sites so the virus would not spread any further and unfortunately in the process of wiping the cores files out in the other site directories, it effected the theme of this one. So almost a whole month later, after getting rid of the virus from 10 of my other sites – yes, you did read right 10, not only have I now become more of a WordPress security and back-up pro, I am sporting a brand new design!! They say a change is as good as a rest and I think the site was in need of an update too!!

A lot has happened since we last spoke and that includes splitting up with my asexual boyfriend who was no good for me in the end!! On Sunday 29th of October, I had to split with my asexual boyfriend. The guy who I thought was my soulmate, and who was really kind, sweet and loving towards me, turned out not to be so nice after all, not loving me like he first did, or valuing my worth, and in fact exhibited some controlling behaviour! It is hard when you think you know someone, then find out they are not the person you thought they are and he did a good job of fooling me!! I really thought he truly and deeply cared for me, but I was mistaken. His behaviour appeared to change so quickly!

I wrote an Asexual Newsletter which you can find here, about how his behaviour changed and about some of the signs of controlling behaviour that you may want to look out for! And about how sometimes, you have to be your own hero and save yourself and get out of a relationship that is no good for you, no matter how painful it may be: http://mailchi.mp/a50715303715/asexual-break-up-how-to-be-your-own-hero

These videos were hard for me to do, after the break-up!

After my hurt and pain started to heal! Here is my advice on how to get over relationship heartbreak and heartache!

  1. Allow yourself to grieve, better out that in. Do not bottle it up!
  2. Speak to family and friends to get their support.
  3. Get your emotions out constructively and do blogging or YouTubing if you need to.
  4. Do things that are not just distracting, but that are productive and help develop you as a person!
  5. Self-date. It is fantastic for your soul!

What other tips for getting over heartbreak and moving on, would you like to share?

So new site and new life, looking forward to the future, with ace perspective!

As always, stay ace

Sandra xx

P.S. Don’t forget to subscribe to my free newsletter on the top right of this page!!
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Asexual Love: Asexual Dating Group – Got My Asexual Boyfriend: Asexual Soulmate!

Posted on by Asexualise

So after being single for almost 6 years, and searching for my Asexual soulmate for over 3 years since 2014 on Asexual dating sites www.asexualitic.com and www.ace-book.net , I finally found him in my own Asexualise Dating Facebook group, that is strictly for asexuals only, who want to date and find a committed forever relationship/s without sex ever. So from Monday 1st of October we became in an official asexual relationship. I am really thrilled about this, love without sex definitely exists with us.

So if you are new Asexuality and don’t know what I am talking about, asexuality is a sexual orientation, that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. It means a lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals make up about 1% of the world population, that is 1 in every 100 people you meet are likely to be asexual.

So in broad terms an asexual person is someone who does not get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sex (intercourse). Although some may still have it to please their sexual partner or because they enjoy it as an activity to do, like a board game. I have had sex in the past but would rather not have done. That was before I realised I am a heteroromantic asexual, not a heterosexual. I actually define myself as a Heteroromantic, Hyper-romantic, Grey A, Asexual, Younger Cougar, who does not like sex, just kissing. That means I get attracted romantically to the opposite sex – guys, just not sexually; I am extremely romantic to the extent that would be incomprehensible to some who are not like that, so I can fall in love easily, over a few texts messages or Skype sessions for example – I have been managing that well, so trying to refrain from doing that, but yeah, I love my guy, but we have known each more than that, so it’s fine. And I literally love the romance that Disney movies are made of and making it come to reality! I feel loved up almost 24/7 just with myself!

I have grey areas, so my body gets aroused, but I still have no need, want or urge, for sex, ever.

I am Grey A, which I define as having Grey Areas, because I experience high levels of arousal and can get aroused in my body, by myself, without touching anything or thinking about anyone, or from just thinking about the word aroused, or thinking about kissing, and also by actual kissing. I never go to look at porn, that is personally yuk to me, and if I happen to talk about sex, which happens more as I help a lot of people discover if they are asexual or not, and asexuals often talk more about what they physically can and can’t cope with and like than sexuals do, or I see some sexual images by accident pop up in my Twitter feed for example – and I block them, unfortunately it can set off my arousal, even though I hate sex and sex personally repulses me these days, for me – not for others. People think arousal and sexual attraction are the same thing but they are not, although for sexuals they can be intertwined, as one can instantly lead to the other, for asexuals they are usually separate. Just think, if you touch your genitalia, you are likely to get aroused – think masturbation, but for asexuals, if they do that, it is usually to release arousal feelings with no desire for sex. Some do it for other reasons such as to de-stress or use it as a tool to go to sleep.

I am an asexual cougar means I get attracted to guys who are younger than me and in my case usually foreign, (although my soulmate is British born he still has a foreign looking face from his mum’s side of the family), and I only want a relationship with a younger guy but to be romantic with, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, not have sex with. And in my case I am also nudity repulsed and have no desire to see a guy naked below the waist.

My Asexual guy lives in London in the UK and can relocate, he is also a heteroromantic, hyper-romantic and sex repulsed. He is not into nudity either, but loves passionate kissing like I do and is quite happy to be with someone older in birth certificate age. Although younger, he is older in birth certificate age than I would usually go for, and he is not that much younger, but it doesn’t matter as he is adorable and looks younger in person and has an incredibly amazing personality and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found him, at last!! We both like doing young stuff.  We have quite a lot of other stuff in common and get on really well and he is coming to see me for 5 days next month and I can’t wait. I am super excited about that!

If you want to know more about asexuality, I wrote a book called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity, and be sure to like www.facebook.com/acexualise And you can find the biggest online community of asexuals at www.asexuality.org

 

If you have a partner, whether they are sexual or asexual, how long did it take to find the partner of your dreams?

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

(UPDATE – Sadly it didn’t work out with this guy and you can read what happened in my next post)

Sacrifices Asexuals Make For Sexuals!

Posted on by Asexualise

Yes, you did read right, Sacrifices Asexuals Make For Sexuals! Not the other way around. How many times have you heard, he, she, they, are making a huge sacrifice by being with you and abstaining from sex, because they care about you and love you? You should be grateful; thankful; look at what they are doing for you!!!

It’s not like their penis is going to drop off or their vagina is going to shrivel up if they don’t have partnered sex. There is always masturbation, which can be an art form in itself and challenging enough to get yourself good at. In fact, I have a gay friend at my current day job, who loves a lot of sex as a hobby, he has been single for years. He always says how he can give himself better sex than others can do for him. I have heard others say this too.

So what sacrifices do asexuals make for sexuals?

Whilever an asexual is in a relationship with a sexual, there is the constant worry or concern, if in a monogamous relationship, that their partner may cheat and have sex with someone else. Sexuals won’t usually have to worry about this with asexuals – lucky them!! However, this can be very anxiety inducing for asexuals, which is turn can reduce everyday happiness and pump up stress levels, having a negative impact on their body; emotional wellbeing; mindset; and can be soul crushing.

Trust can understandably be difficult for aexuals because of the risk of their sexual partner cheating, yet asexuals are somehow just ‘meant’ to trust them and are often considered as being unreasonable when they say they find it hard to trust. Trust is earnt, not a given, and shouldn’t just be expected.

If a sexual is giving up sex for an asexual, the asexual can feel guilty about it, or highly privileged and put their partner on a pedestal. This can lead to them accepting bad behaviour from a partner and abuse.

Asexuals can be starved of kisses, romance and affection. Some sexuals withhold kisses, romance, and affection, from their asexual partner, if they are not having sex. The sexual can feel frustrated that they are not getting the sex they want and as they often see kissing and affection as a prerequisite to sex, if they are not getting sex as an end result, they don’t see the point of why they should do that. This can be very controlling and emotionally manipulative for the asexual and in turn lead to unhappiness, tears and distance between each other. It is upsetting for the asexual because they still love their partner and still often need that closeness, just not the intercourse. An asexual may put up with this lack of romance, kissing and affection, because they love their partner so much. They are sacrificing their own happiness to be with a partner who they love, but who is not physically demonstrating they love them back.

Some asexuals will have sex with their partner to please them, even if they don’t really want to. This can feel like self-abuse and lead to psychological trauma, not to mention be physically anxiety inducing.

There is a higher risk of potential rape if they don’t want sex ever. Their partner may pounce on them – in this way they are risking their life to be with a sexual, as well as unexpected or unwanted pregnancy.

An asexual can be made to feel bad by a sexual if they don’t have sex, to coerce them into having it. They can be accused by their partner of not loving them and that can be so harmful and hurtful for the asexual. It can result in the asexual being emotionally blackmailed into sex, and constantly feel like they may lose their partner at any given moment if they don’t comply.

An asexual can feel deeply misunderstood by their sexual partner and lonely in the relationship with them, especially if the sexual refuses to understand, won’t try to learn about asexuality, or even entertain the notion of what it really means to be asexual. The sexual can keep putting pressure on the asexual to change, or keep saying they feel rejected, which in turn makes the asexual feel bad about themselves and can lower their confidence and self-esteem. Just because the asexual does not get the urge, want, or need to have sex with them, does not mean to say they do not love their partner, but when their partner associates sex with love, they are trapped in an endless cycle of a ‘loveless’ relationship, when both partners could love each other, just they express it different ways. But the sexual can’t see past the sex-love equation and the asexual can feel in despair and hopeless just for being asexual in orientation and being able to love without sex. Just like the sexual may feel frustrated for not getting the sex they want, the relationship can be equally frustrating for asexuals in this way, as they cannot understand why the sexual cannot just love them without sex. At the end of the day, if something happened to the sexual and they could not have sex for any reason, the asexual would still be with them.

If a sexual tells a monogamous asexual they can live without sex, there is always the potential risk they could change their mind at any point and this can be a constant worry for the asexual. And if this happens, the asexual is backed into a corner. If they don’t want their partner to have sex with anyone else, they are forced to choose to have sex to please their partner; compromise themselves sexually in some other way; put up with their partner constantly complaining and being unhappy about not getting enough sex – or they have to leave their partner, which many won’t do because of the strong emotional bond that they have formed or because they are married. OR their partner leaves them and they have wasted all that time and energy on someone who could not love them for who they are, while missing out on asexual love with another asexual.

So all in all, asexuals sacrifice so much to be with a sexual. That is it really worth all that hassle, pain and tears? I am sure from reading a lot of comments from asexuals in forums and groups, that the majority would prefer to be in a relationship with another asexual. With just a recorded 1% of the population being asexual, it means there is a higher chance of an asexual being with a sexual. If we had more asexuals coming out, I think more asexuals could have happier, healthier, and more loving relationships with other asexuals.

So if a sexual is reading this, you should be truly grateful, thankful, and appreciative of everything an asexual sacrifices for you. You gave up sex, look at what they are giving up for you! Look at the lifestyle and physical closeness they are potentially missing out on having with another asexual, just to be with you. Look at all the risks, worry, anxiety they can encounter, all the while they are loving you and being physically faithful to you! Look how much an asexual can love you for you without the sex. Just imagine how much happier they would potentially be with another asexual and what they are giving up for you!

 

Always stay ace and don’t forget to like Asexualise on Facebook! And check out Asexual apparel and accessories on www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop 

What It’s Really Like To Be An Asexual With Sexual Behaviour But No Sexual Attraction!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual With Sexual Behaviour But No Sexual Attraction!

In my Asexual Perspectives book, I say I will not date a heterosexual again as they all need sex in the end. But I did give it a go and dated a heterosexual guy for almost two who months, who said he could live without sex. I am no longer dating him or seeing him as he was no good for me in other ways.

Dating him was a very interesting experience from a personal asexuality point of view. Because it was the first time I had dated a heterosexual guy, whilst consciously being fully aware that I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I do have high arousal levels and exhibit some sexual behaviour in regards to passionate kissing.

I did date a heterosexual guy for a night in July 2014, and I found out I was asexual in March 2014, and at the end of the night he wanted me to be his girlfriend and as I did not like sex, he said it was okay, he would do that with other women – I was fuming mad about that!! I am definitely not a poly person and so this was a complete insult.

Back then I did not totally understand my Asexual identity. I was not so confident about it. And I was certainly never consciously aware that I had high arousal levels, that I had previously mistaken for sexual attraction in my past relationships and dating. At that point, I think I was still toying with the typical Grey A definition of experiencing sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. I thought this may be where I am at. But I began to realise it wasn’t, as I never had a thought in head that I want to have sex, with anyone. Not even my long-term ex of 8.5 years – even though we did have sex sometimes, I never actually thought “I want to have sex”.

It was very soon after this date in 2014, that I tried masturbation for the first time. I didn’t like it but I understood why some people do, and that it can become addictive. I also noticed around that same time, when I was in asexual forums and sex was being discussed, that my body would involuntarily get aroused and this really freaked me out, as I don’t like, want, or need sex ever, in my life, again.

Since that time and across my Asexual journey, I have realised that I can still get involuntarily aroused by the mention of the word sex, even though I am personally sex repulsed for me these days. I can get aroused from accidentally seeing some porn style pics on Twitter, when I detest porn and never go to look at that. And also I can get aroused just by thinking about passionate kissing, or just by thinking about the word ‘aroused’, with no one else involved but me. I don’t fantasize. I don’t need anyone to arouse me and I don’t need to touch myself to be aroused, I can just think about it and feel it almost instantly in my body.

So with this awakening, with all of the personal fears and boundaries I have conquered and with how explicitly I am now able to talk about sex, both online and offline, I actually realise that I like to express myself freely, in quite a sexual manner, when serious about a guy and in a relationship with him. The guy I was dating I was very serious about and even though we were not in an official relationship, we had discussed being in one in the future and acted far more serious than just dating. We kept seeing each other more and more. So splitting from dating him was tough, but he was no good for me in the end so I had to.

His past sexual life was not good, he was honest about this and in the beginning of me dating him, he regularly talked about sex in a – it was such an awesome thing to do way. So I said I did not believe if he kissed me that he could live without sex. So he said to try him and for a while of course I did not. But I realised that if I could not do that, there was no chance of me ever being in a relationship with him. So after speaking to one of my best girl friends about my worries and fears, one night I was so brave and decided to go for it. Prior to that he kept saying I was physically stronger than him, as my muscles were bigger than his and he goes to the gym!! I told him that if I did kiss him, then I wanted to be in total control of that, reminded him that whatever happened, I would not want sex, ever. So I ended up always being on top of him, passionately kissing him and doing all the work with my clothes on and he could relax, be aroused and enjoy himself immensely. He was not good at kissing when we started, but I am a good trainer and leader in that respect, so it did not take long to get that to be good.

So when I kissed passionately on top of him, I got highly aroused and made all of the noises like we were having sex, including the heavy breathing, which just happens naturally with me and I cannot help it. In fact my behaviour, with kissing him all over his chest and the way my body moved and was close to his, was sexual in behaviour, yet not once did I think I want sex with him. I kept asking myself would that ever change and that surely with this amount of arousal and sexual behaviour you should feel sexual attraction and want it. But I just didn’t. I just never could feel that way. Even though I loved snogging him and being free to express myself sexually in this way, kissing his chest and kissing and sucking his nipples, and sucking and kissing his earlobes, I concluded that I am 100% asexual and despite having high arousal levels and some sexual behaviour, I never experience sexual attraction. But my fear is that I am seen as too sexual in behaviour for some asexuals and not sexual enough to be in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual. I feel a bit trapped, like I am between a rock and a hard place, if you pardon the expression, with no way out, unless I happen to get a heteroromantic match whose Grey A areas are almost identical to my own. I like to keep my clothes on, so that is not sexual enough for some asexuals who love touching the naked body. Or as some would see it, sensual, but not sexual. Still, at least I am confident that I am not a demi-sexual and I am not a text book Grey A. In my Asexual Perspectives book I redefine Grey A to mean Grey Areas, so I mean a person is asexual, but has some sexual behaviour or things they like to do that are seen as sexual beyond masturbation – which some consider is sexual in behaviour. So when I say I am Grey A, this is what I mean, I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I am sexual in behaviour with passionate kissing, but still very much Asexual.

To find out more about what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, shop for Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories on Amazon!

 

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10 Reasons Why Asexuals Are Beautiful!

Posted on by Asexualise

1) Asexuals usually hold friendships in high regard, so you will feel valued if they are your friend.

2) Asexuals will focus on getting to know the inner you, so you will feel you are important to them.

3) Asexuals see the world in a way that other’s don’t, and that is a special gift.

4) Asexuals often like to keep busy with various activities and hobbies, which makes conversation with them, interesting and stimulating.

5) If an asexual invites you out for coffee to get to know you, they literally mean what they say, and they are not trying to get into your underwear!!

6) Asexuals will not be trying to constantly impress you based on their looks, so you want sex with them; as they ususually don’t want sex and don’t ‘need’ it.

7) Asexuals are often different and quirky, and therefore make interesting characters.

8) Asexuals know what it feels like to be in a minority, so are often empathetic to others who feel alone or singled out.

9) Many asexuals are kind; caring and friendly, and value those who share those traits.

10) Many asexuals are strong and tough, because they have often come up against resistance to being different.

What other things make asexuals beautiful? Share in the comments below and stay ace xx.