New Asexualise Dating YouTube Channel – NO BS Dating And Relationship Advice

Posted on by Asexualise

You wanted NO BS dating and relationship advice inclusive of asexuality – well here it it – Asexualise Dating now has an official channel all of it’s own. So you can go straight to the heart of the matter and get all the dating and relationships advice you need in one place. Subscribe here now https://www.youtube.com/@asexualisedating and hit the bell icon so you never miss a video. 

If you’re subscribed to my main channel https://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife you will know I do a mixture of asexual information, education, entertainment and lifestyle videos. This channel includes a regular chat show where you can ask me any questions you like, live in chat. And I help asexuals with love, life, confidence, dating, relationships, self-love and self-care. As I cater for asexuals across the asexual spectrum, some asexuals who never want to date or have a relationship – feel they don’t need this kind of advice (although they can still find it interesting and some of the things I talk about are relevant to any kind of relationship – such as friendships, so it’s still extremely helpful and valuable advice). Whereas other asexuals want more of these types of videos.

Some of my most watched videos on my main channel are my dating and relationships advice ones. And I did a survey to find out how many people would be interested in a new channel dedicated to just dating and relationships and an overwhelming majority said yes they would, so here it is.  

Watch the intro video above and the videos below, and don’t forget to subscribe. Please note, I have purposefully included my aim with this Asexualise Dating channel to incorporate sexuals as well as asexuals – this includes heterosexuals. The reason for this is to fulfil my life mission of getting asexuality recognised as an official sexual orientation in it’s own right throughout the globe, so that no asexual lives in fear of ridicule ever again. I believe the only way of fully achieving this is to get the acceptance of the majority world population sexual orientation – that is heterosexuals, to make real and lasting impactful change on a world-wide scale.

There is lots of work being done, not just by me, but by many other asexual activists to unite asexuals with each other and to provide a relatable sense of community, but we don’t need to convince each other that asexuality is real and exists, we know it does. Where we need to make a change is within the heterosexual community and general population at large – which is where I come in…

I have been in heterosexual relationships for over half of my life, and I had my first asexual relationship at just 6 years old. I was passionately kissing my boyfriend at that age!!!! And he wanted to do sexual exploration and I felt really uncomfortable and invaded as I knew it was wrong. At 17 years I saw the college counsellor and told her about this and she didn’t understand why I was so upset about it and she dismissed and invalidated my feelings by saying it was just “doctors and nurses” and normal, but I knew it wasn’t. I thought I was heterosexual for years, but it’s clear looking back at that moment, that I was born asexual but didn’t realise it. That didn’t stop me having other heterosexual relationships in my teens and for years to come and I’m an asexual who has had sex in the past, because that’s what I thought I had to do as part of a “normal” relationship, I didn’t realise I had a choice not to do that and that there were others in the world like me, until I discovered I’m asexual in 2014. As I write this, I’ve currently been sex free for coming up to 12 years – thank God, that makes me so happy.

However, I still haven’t found my asexual soulmate who I believe is Indian – I’ve been on the dating scene now since 2014 – that’s 9 years and I’ve learnt a lot in that time, both about the people on dating sites and dating apps, how to actually get dates and how to avoid getting into a relationship with an abuser or narcissist. I’ve learnt about love languages, attachment styles, how childhood trauma can affect relationships, about consciousness and ego and about what’s game playing and what isn’t, and now I can use all of this experience to help asexuals and help sexuals to be better too. So I can bring both asexuals and sexuals together, to foster understanding and help asexuals come out as their beautiful selves by enabling sexuals to accept asexuality is very real and that we offer valuable and unique insights into dating and relationships, which are worth knowing about.

Please watch these videos below, like, share, and be sure to subscribe here https://www.youtube.com/@asexualisedating

Asexual Quotes About Love – Asexual Love Quotes – Asexual Love Awareness #aceweek

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual Quotes About Love. These asexual love quotes, show you what it means to experience true asexual love, without the need for sex. Asexual Love Awareness #aceweek

Watch the Asexual Love Awareness #aceweek video above, to see more quotes about what asexual love is. Or click this link to view it https://youtu.be/cqZXpiXjJMA

 

Read more about asexual perspectives on Love, Life and Sex, in my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book here https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3

What’s good about this Asexual Perspectives book, is it doesn’t just give text book definitions of orientations across the asexual spectrum, it shows you them, through the 47 Asexual Stories answers to different questions about Love, Life, and Sex, and the personal details the interviewees share. It answers most questions you could think of about love, life, and sex, from an asexual point of view, including those you feel afraid to ask!! Get you copy here https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3 now.

 

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES 47 REAL LIFE ASEXUAL STORIES NOT TEXT BOOK DEFINITIONS

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexual Perspectives
Asexual Perspectives Book
ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES

One asexual from my Asexual Friends group was asking about my Asexual Perspectives book and did not realise that the 47 stories are real life asexual experiences of what it really means to be asexual in this sexualised world. This 560 page book took me a year to write and I interviewed asexuals from all over the globe and across the asexual spectrum. The best thing about this book is it is NOT A BOOK OF TEXT BOOK DEFINITIONS OF ASEXUALITY, IT IS A COLLECTION OF REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES that SHOWS you THE DIVERSITY OF THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM, and can deepen your under of asexuality as a whole, with many relatable stories.

When you first discover you are asexual, it is like you have found your FREEDOM, and a HUGE weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I constantly get asked questions about asexuals and asexuality and this book answers all of them and so much more:

Can asexuals masturbate?
Can I still be asexual if I watch porn?
Can an asexual have a relationship with a sexual and make it work?
Can asexuals really find love and a relationship with another asexual?
If I have had sex in the past, but have no desire for it now and have not for some time, could I still be asexual?
What advice would you give to someone who is just discovering they are asexual?

In this book you will find out the answers to all those questions and so much more.

In this book you will read stories of how difficult it is being asexual in a sexualised world, how people ALWAYS knew they were different, but did not know why or how! BUT you will also read what the POSITIVES TO BEING ASEXUAL are.

In this book you will:

•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.

•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.

•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!

•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.

•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.

•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.

•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.

•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.

•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.

Asexual Perspectives is 47 Real Life Asexual Stories and makes the ideal self-love gift or a gift for that asexual friend! Perfect for a Christmas treat.

You can get it directly from Amazon here https://amzn.to/2LE1D2o

Asexual Poem “Don’t Tell Me About Your Body, Tell Me About …” By Asexualise Sandra Bellamy

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexuality poem don't tell me about your body

Asexual Poem

Don’t Tell Me About Your Body, Tell Me About …

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me about your mind,

Tell me about YOU being kind.

Share with me your thoughts, of your goals, ambitions and dreams,

Tell me your wants, your needs, and what makes you want to scream!

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me about your heart’s desires.

Reveal to me ALL your inner sides.

Share with me your day and what’s on your mind,

Allow your love to flow over me, of the non-sexual kind.

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me what makes you come alive,

Tell me what makes YOU thrive.

Share with me your whole life, regardless of if I am not your wife,

Say you will be mine forever, monogamous life partners together.

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me about your love,

Tell me how you will always be to me good.

Share with me your strengths and your vulnerabilities,

Your hopes and your insecurities.

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me about your personality,

Tell me you are proud and appreciative of being with me.

Share with me your life, your love, your soul,

Share with me your life, in whole.

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me about how I make you feel,

Tell me your deepest fears and your secrets reveal.

Share with me every part of you,

Let me be part of everything you do.

 

Don’t tell me about your body, tell me about YOU,

Tell me how much you love me and show me in everything you DO.

Share with me your ups, share with me your downs,

But promise me one thing, this is true love you found.

 

 

Don't tell me poem

 

 

 

 

 

YOUNG ASEXUAL LOVE – WHAT’S IT LIKE FOR AN OLDER ASEXUAL WOMAN TO LIKE YOUNGER ASEXUAL GUYS

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexual older girl looks for asexual younger guy

AGE GAP LOVE

So what’s it like for an older asexual woman to like younger asexual guys? It’s difficult, not from a loving part of view, but for the following reasons:

  • Because of the stigma surrounding older women liking younger guys – still! I could not care less what people think as I know I am meant to be with a younger guy, but it’s not just about me, it’s what the younger guy believes and his family – in a nutshell though, if he is not proud to be with me, he can take a hike as is obviously not right for me and it’s not meant to be! My parents are cool with me wanting to be with a much younger guy in birth certificate age in his 20s as they know how young I am, how young I like to be, and my young interests. An older guy, or anyone near my birth certificate age would be too old for me and not suitable!
  • Similarly you have the fact that some younger guys like an older woman but are secretive about it and may say loving, caring stuff towards you in private, then publicly pretend they don’t like older women – like why would they! At the end of the day, this guy is not worth my time and energy and it’s no go! They obviously have the problem not being able to authentically be themselves in life. Of course culture and background can influence this, but that does not mean it’s right or good for me. So it’s no go!
  • Because of the differences in being in two different countries – I have the added complication of preferring to be with an asexual foreign guy, rather than British, and I live in the UK and love it, and my specific flat I live in, so moving is not an option for me. And if for example, a guy is in his early 20s and lives abroad, he usually lacks the finances and resources to move over here, which leads to heartache and heartbreak – at best we remain friends, at worse it results in blocking this person out of my life for good.

It’s hard to find a younger foreign guy who is genuine about his feelings for me. Younger guys, in particularly foreign, as I have most experience with them, tend to be liars and not genuine in their feelings for me, and want to be with me to get something out of me, such as:

  • Marriage, which I don’t want ever anyway – so it’s nope!
  • To use me for my business brain to progress their own career – not with me – not happening! They want my business mentorship, they can pay for it like anyone else!
  • And similarly using me for business opportunities – not happening, I build my businesses from scratch and I work damn hard, so I am not about to give any of that over to someone I don’t know that well, who has just come into my life to take what he can get, not happening!
  • For me to give them job in the UK – No, if you want to be with me for me, go find your own job and work hard like I do.
  • For them to live with me. No, I rent, and love my flat, and only allowed one person to live in it, so that is not an option with me! I also like living on my own and have done so for years, if you want to live around the corner from me, that would be ace, but you need to be proactive with that and not expect to live with me as I am happier on my own in that respect.
  • For me to cook, clean, do housework, and “look after them”. No, no, no! I am not a mother or housemaid, cleaner upper, or slave! Not happening. I hate these things, so why would you want me to be unhappy in my life by expecting or wanting me to do these things for you? This is not putting my best interests at heart but yours, you must do you own housework, cooking, and cleaning! If you want to cook for me, fine, but don’t expect this back as I don’t like cooking or enjoy it, I will cook the bare minimum for myself only and do only the minimal amount of housework to get by! Life is for living, not focusing on housework and such! Doesn’t make me happy, so it’s not happening. If you want emotional support, I can give you that! If you want bestest ever friendship and a kind, caring, and loving life partner personality, I can give you that. If you want kisses and cuddles and someone to go out to the movies with to watch kids or superhero films and eat out, that would be ace! But you need to love me for me, not for what you can get out of me!

Aside from these complications, there is the feelings complications. What I mean by this is, I don’t feel comfortable being physically close to an older guy or a guy anywhere near my own with certificate age, it may seem ironic but I feel it would be liking dating my dad, not literally, but you get what I mean and that is gross!

I don’t see myself as the birth certificate age I am. I see myself as a young business girl, who is happy to look like a girl, with a lot of experience and knowledge, who is super intelligent, with some male traits, rather than being an adult “woman”. In fact I like to be called girl most of the time, not woman, apart from in business – then it’s okay to be called girl or woman!

With much younger (foreign) guys in their 20s, I can see me cuddling and kissing the right one, I can see me being in their cuddle, I don’t get this with older guys, I am not attracted to manly or macho men, can’t stand them to be honest! I don’t mind having older British guys as mates only and yes, I can hug them hello or goodbye, but that is it!

If I was with an older guy, he would be foreign, as I think foreign guys in general – look younger anyway most of the time! Or at least the ones I zoom in on more are, but I really cannot see me being with an older guy, only with a younger guy in his 20s. This is when I am my most comfortable, both talking wise, physically, and soulmate type wise! One day I hope my wish comes true because I really believe I am worth it and it would be ace!

Until next time, stay ace.

Sandra xx

 

How Are You Going To Celebrating International Celebrate Being Single Day? #ICBSD (How To Self-Love At Home!)

Posted on by Asexualise

Not long to go, I am feeling super excited to celebrate International Celebrate Being Single Day, #ICBSD, on Feb 14th. (Not to be confused with ‘Singles Day – which I believe was originally set up as a more cynical view of Valentine’s Day and being single – Whereas the day I founded is to ‘celebrate’ being single – which is key).** I founded International Celebrate Being Single Day in 2015 so that no single person has to ever feel alone on Valentine’s Day – Instead they can CELEBRATE it as their special day too – By self-dating, or meeting up with friends. Every year since 2015 I have had a self-date on that day and I love it – makes me feel great.

How are you going to be celebrating?

If you are going to be staying at home, here are ways you can self-love at home, the asexual way!

Asexual Love: Asexual Dating Group – Got My Asexual Boyfriend: Asexual Soulmate!

Posted on by Asexualise

So after being single for almost 6 years, and searching for my Asexual soulmate for over 3 years since 2014 on Asexual dating sites www.asexualitic.com and www.ace-book.net , I finally found him in my own Asexualise Dating Facebook group, that is strictly for asexuals only, who want to date and find a committed forever relationship/s without sex ever. So from Monday 1st of October we became in an official asexual relationship. I am really thrilled about this, love without sex definitely exists with us.

So if you are new Asexuality and don’t know what I am talking about, asexuality is a sexual orientation, that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. It means a lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals make up about 1% of the world population, that is 1 in every 100 people you meet are likely to be asexual.

So in broad terms an asexual person is someone who does not get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sex (intercourse). Although some may still have it to please their sexual partner or because they enjoy it as an activity to do, like a board game. I have had sex in the past but would rather not have done. That was before I realised I am a heteroromantic asexual, not a heterosexual. I actually define myself as a Heteroromantic, Hyper-romantic, Grey A, Asexual, Younger Cougar, who does not like sex, just kissing. That means I get attracted romantically to the opposite sex – guys, just not sexually; I am extremely romantic to the extent that would be incomprehensible to some who are not like that, so I can fall in love easily, over a few texts messages or Skype sessions for example – I have been managing that well, so trying to refrain from doing that, but yeah, I love my guy, but we have known each more than that, so it’s fine. And I literally love the romance that Disney movies are made of and making it come to reality! I feel loved up almost 24/7 just with myself!

I have grey areas, so my body gets aroused, but I still have no need, want or urge, for sex, ever.

I am Grey A, which I define as having Grey Areas, because I experience high levels of arousal and can get aroused in my body, by myself, without touching anything or thinking about anyone, or from just thinking about the word aroused, or thinking about kissing, and also by actual kissing. I never go to look at porn, that is personally yuk to me, and if I happen to talk about sex, which happens more as I help a lot of people discover if they are asexual or not, and asexuals often talk more about what they physically can and can’t cope with and like than sexuals do, or I see some sexual images by accident pop up in my Twitter feed for example – and I block them, unfortunately it can set off my arousal, even though I hate sex and sex personally repulses me these days, for me – not for others. People think arousal and sexual attraction are the same thing but they are not, although for sexuals they can be intertwined, as one can instantly lead to the other, for asexuals they are usually separate. Just think, if you touch your genitalia, you are likely to get aroused – think masturbation, but for asexuals, if they do that, it is usually to release arousal feelings with no desire for sex. Some do it for other reasons such as to de-stress or use it as a tool to go to sleep.

I am an asexual cougar means I get attracted to guys who are younger than me and in my case usually foreign, (although my soulmate is British born he still has a foreign looking face from his mum’s side of the family), and I only want a relationship with a younger guy but to be romantic with, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, not have sex with. And in my case I am also nudity repulsed and have no desire to see a guy naked below the waist.

My Asexual guy lives in London in the UK and can relocate, he is also a heteroromantic, hyper-romantic and sex repulsed. He is not into nudity either, but loves passionate kissing like I do and is quite happy to be with someone older in birth certificate age. Although younger, he is older in birth certificate age than I would usually go for, and he is not that much younger, but it doesn’t matter as he is adorable and looks younger in person and has an incredibly amazing personality and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found him, at last!! We both like doing young stuff.  We have quite a lot of other stuff in common and get on really well and he is coming to see me for 5 days next month and I can’t wait. I am super excited about that!

If you want to know more about asexuality, I wrote a book called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity, and be sure to like www.facebook.com/acexualise And you can find the biggest online community of asexuals at www.asexuality.org

 

If you have a partner, whether they are sexual or asexual, how long did it take to find the partner of your dreams?

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

(UPDATE – Sadly it didn’t work out with this guy and you can read what happened in my next post)

HOW TO GET YOUR ASEXUAL QUESTIONS ANSWERED AT THE FLICK OF A PAGE!

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexual Perspectives
Asexual Perspectives: 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.

I get many asexuals asking me in private messages about various aspects of asexuality and there seems to be a lot of confusion surrounding what makes a person asexual. It would seem that the more questions I get asked, the more I keep referring to my book, and it would seem that maybe people just don’t realise how much valuable information and advice there is within my Asexual Perspectives book, or that pretty much most questions can be answered by reading this book!

Asexual Perspectives is no ordinary Asexual book. It is made up of real asexuals, who tell their very own thoughts and intimate personal details to help you. It is written in their language, in their dialect, and it explains what asexuals really think about sexual attraction and what it means to them. It explains what they believe is the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire, and the difference between sexual attraction and arousal. It explains how aromantics feel that friendship is not valued enough, and how hard it can be when all of your friends are pairing off and having a family. It explains asexuals views on masturbation, BDSM, kinks and porn, and whether they take part or not. This is a book that already assumes you are asexual, or have a good idea of what asexuality is. It gets down to the nitty gritty of what causes the confusion about being asexual, about other asexuals on the spectrum and is educational, informative and even entertaining in parts!! It deals with serious ace issues, in a way that is relatable, with doses of humour here and there.

I interviewed Asexuals from across the spectrum and living in various places around the globe. From teenagers to the more mature aces, the age range is as diverse as the book. I read the reviews of other Asexual books on Amazon, before I started writing this one. The criticism was, there was not enough real life asexual stories – asexuals telling their own experiences, thoughts and feelings, about ace matters, and how it personally affects them. I was prompted to write this book because I was told I could not identify as a heteroromantic, Grey A, on AVEN, because I was not the text book Grey A definition, because I did not experience sexual attraction! I am not the only one who has been told they cannot identify like they do!! So in my book I address this and redefine Grey A as I see it. This book has asexuals offering advice to other asexuals, it explains other’s mistakes, to help you not to make the same ones. It really is an ace book!!

For those of you who need lots of asexual questions answered – the answers are in this book!! This book took me almost a whole year to write, it is a big book, that pacts an ace punch, I hope you will learn as much about asexuality across the spectrum, as I did writing it!

You can get Asexual Perspectives here: http://amzn.to/2qVfCeS

Until next time, stay ace!

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