New Asexualise Dating YouTube Channel – NO BS Dating And Relationship Advice

Posted on by Asexualise

You wanted NO BS dating and relationship advice inclusive of asexuality – well here it it – Asexualise Dating now has an official channel all of it’s own. So you can go straight to the heart of the matter and get all the dating and relationships advice you need in one place. Subscribe here now https://www.youtube.com/@asexualisedating and hit the bell icon so you never miss a video. 

If you’re subscribed to my main channel https://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife you will know I do a mixture of asexual information, education, entertainment and lifestyle videos. This channel includes a regular chat show where you can ask me any questions you like, live in chat. And I help asexuals with love, life, confidence, dating, relationships, self-love and self-care. As I cater for asexuals across the asexual spectrum, some asexuals who never want to date or have a relationship – feel they don’t need this kind of advice (although they can still find it interesting and some of the things I talk about are relevant to any kind of relationship – such as friendships, so it’s still extremely helpful and valuable advice). Whereas other asexuals want more of these types of videos.

Some of my most watched videos on my main channel are my dating and relationships advice ones. And I did a survey to find out how many people would be interested in a new channel dedicated to just dating and relationships and an overwhelming majority said yes they would, so here it is.  

Watch the intro video above and the videos below, and don’t forget to subscribe. Please note, I have purposefully included my aim with this Asexualise Dating channel to incorporate sexuals as well as asexuals – this includes heterosexuals. The reason for this is to fulfil my life mission of getting asexuality recognised as an official sexual orientation in it’s own right throughout the globe, so that no asexual lives in fear of ridicule ever again. I believe the only way of fully achieving this is to get the acceptance of the majority world population sexual orientation – that is heterosexuals, to make real and lasting impactful change on a world-wide scale.

There is lots of work being done, not just by me, but by many other asexual activists to unite asexuals with each other and to provide a relatable sense of community, but we don’t need to convince each other that asexuality is real and exists, we know it does. Where we need to make a change is within the heterosexual community and general population at large – which is where I come in…

I have been in heterosexual relationships for over half of my life, and I had my first asexual relationship at just 6 years old. I was passionately kissing my boyfriend at that age!!!! And he wanted to do sexual exploration and I felt really uncomfortable and invaded as I knew it was wrong. At 17 years I saw the college counsellor and told her about this and she didn’t understand why I was so upset about it and she dismissed and invalidated my feelings by saying it was just “doctors and nurses” and normal, but I knew it wasn’t. I thought I was heterosexual for years, but it’s clear looking back at that moment, that I was born asexual but didn’t realise it. That didn’t stop me having other heterosexual relationships in my teens and for years to come and I’m an asexual who has had sex in the past, because that’s what I thought I had to do as part of a “normal” relationship, I didn’t realise I had a choice not to do that and that there were others in the world like me, until I discovered I’m asexual in 2014. As I write this, I’ve currently been sex free for coming up to 12 years – thank God, that makes me so happy.

However, I still haven’t found my asexual soulmate who I believe is Indian – I’ve been on the dating scene now since 2014 – that’s 9 years and I’ve learnt a lot in that time, both about the people on dating sites and dating apps, how to actually get dates and how to avoid getting into a relationship with an abuser or narcissist. I’ve learnt about love languages, attachment styles, how childhood trauma can affect relationships, about consciousness and ego and about what’s game playing and what isn’t, and now I can use all of this experience to help asexuals and help sexuals to be better too. So I can bring both asexuals and sexuals together, to foster understanding and help asexuals come out as their beautiful selves by enabling sexuals to accept asexuality is very real and that we offer valuable and unique insights into dating and relationships, which are worth knowing about.

Please watch these videos below, like, share, and be sure to subscribe here https://www.youtube.com/@asexualisedating

I Love Kissing But Not Sex – How Asexuality Transformed My Life – With Asexual Author Sandra Bellamy

Posted on by Asexualise
I was interviewed by Catana @TransformationalArtWithCatana  about how Asexuality completely transformed my life! “I love kissing but not sex.”

It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”

I was absolutely horrified!

This was the worst thing I could have been told…

I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?
To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.

It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!

Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…
… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.

So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???

What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???

Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?

Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???

I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.

What a load of bullshit.

And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.

So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…

Listen closely to this until the end, and I am sure you will see how being asexual can be the best thing you ever discover about yourself, and create so many amazing life transformations, to truly enhance and empower your asexual life xx

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating A Step-By-Step Guide

Posted on by Asexualise

Some asexuals have never dated before in their life, or are inexperienced at it. If that sounds like you, or you just want some help with asexual dating, read on…

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating

 

  1. Join Facebook dating groups for asexuals. Be aware that although my asexual dating groups should have only asexuals in them, some other asexual admins, aren’t so strict with who they allow in their groups, and you might find some sexuals in them, so use careful questioning to determine if they are asexual and if they would be suitable for you, when you get someone approach you, or when you message someone from those groups. Post a post introducing yourself and keep posting every so often as new members are added. Remember to say where you live, what type of asexual you are, what type of relationship you are looking for, and with what gender – including any and all. Whether you are a mover or non-mover – In other words can you move or not? And say a bit about your hobbies and interests, so someone has got something to talk to you about if they approach you. For example, I am Sandra, I live in the UK, I am a heteroromantic asexual, a non-mover, so need to find someone who would move to live near me. I am a heteroromantic asexual and I live in the UK, I am looking for a highly romantic, lots of kissing, with no sex ever relationship, with an asexual guy. I am a non-mover. I don’t want marriage or kids, and I prefer to live on my own, but would love the right asexual guy to move to live near me, but not with me. I have a preference for younger foreign guys, in their 20s, especially Indian. I love writing, going to the cinema, out for meals, to theme parks, zoos, and aquariums. Must be a non-smoker, and preferably clean shaven. 
  2. Join Asexualitic.com fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check out the group forums as they can often be more active that the rest of the site. Search “Members”, as well as searching in the various groups and forum threads, for suitable matches for you. Remember it’s a yearly fee if you want private message people on this site. If you don’t want to pay for the site, then in your bio add “I am not a paying member of this site, so cannot private message, if I have friend requested you that’s means I am interested in getting to know you more, so please email me at… or you can also contact me on Facebook at…” Then ensure you send a friend request to those you are interested in getting to know more about, for a potential relationship. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  3. Join ace-book.net fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check “Matches” and “Local Matches” to find suitable matches for you. Take part in the forums, as you never know, you might meet someone suitable for you in those. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  4. Download aceAPP for your Android or Apple phone. Fill out your bio as much as possible, in the short amount of characters allowed, with all the key point deal breakers for you, such as; no sex, no kids, UK only. Use “Bake Cake” to swipe through suitable matches, change the “filters” as appropriate, to narrow or widen the geographical area you would consider having people match with you within, and also try the “Active Now” feature, to find suitable matches for you. Be aware there are a number of people on this App who are fake, and as well not asexual. Watch the video below to find out more what to look out for. I still think it’s worth joining as I have met two genuine asexuals from that app, who attended my in person asexual meetups.
  5. Be proactive, not reactive. Approach people in; the Facebook Asexual dating groups you have joined, on asexualitic.com on ace-book.net and on aceAPP. Don’t wait to get a message from others, you message them, and understand that rejection both by yourself and by others towards you, is a natural part of dating and nothing personal. It means you can rule that person out and get closer to getting the right person for you. So it’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
  6. Go through the “members” list for each Facebook dating group you are in, and click through the profiles of those who interest you and send a private message to begin a conversation with them – providing there are no group rules specifying otherwise. I encourage private messaging in my dating groups. Politely say you are not interested, if someone messages you, and you aren’t. Just say something like, thanks but you aren’t my type, or you aren’t what I am looking for, but good luck with your search. If you are sending them a message, and you are not friends with them, your message will likely land in their “other” messages inbox. So if you don’t get a reply within 2 days, and you notice they haven’t seen your message, send them a friend request, as if you become friends with them, they will be able to see your messages. You can always unfriend them if they accept and you find out they aren’t even suitable to be friends with you.
  7. If you have been messaging with someone for a while and it’s going well and you think you might be suitable for a potential relationship, have a Skype date/Video date with them. This is the next step. Always do this before meeting up with them in person. If the person refuses to do this or make excuses so they can’t do it for some reason, move on. It’s not worth risking your safety over. It’s a lot easier to find genuine and serious  people, if you ask to video chat, they should be happy to. It shouldn’t be too much trouble to learn how to video chat, or learn together. Skype dating/Video dating, as opposed to a chat with a friend on video, is all about asking questions to find out if they are suitable for you to be in relationship with them. You should be asking the tough questions very early on, the deal breakers, so you have the least amount of attachment to them, so it doesn’t matter if either of you need to move on and you don’t waste each other’s time. Ask specific questions but make them general. So if for example, you are an asexual who wants kids, ask that person what their view on having kids is, despite being asexual. Don’t ask, I want a kid, do you want one with me. That will likely either frighten them off, or they might say yes, just to be polite, or because they are telling you what they think you want to hear. And neither of those is good for you. If they say they want kids, ask them, would that be by natural means or other? Again, this is a very specific question, but you are asking it in a non-pressurising way. Ask what they think of marriage, not would you want to marry me, when you barely know each other, and be aware of anyone who talks about getting married early on, as it could mean they want marriage for a visa. Ask where they see themselves in 5 years time; in terms of where they will live, what job they will have, what their ideal relationship will look like. This way you can compare your needs, wants, goals, ambitions and dreams, for the future, with theirs, in your mind, to determine if there is any likelihood this person may be suitable for you for a long-term relationship. After the Skype date/Video date, you can decide if you would like to do it agin or not. And if they are bad for you, you can say to them part way through or early on, that you aren’t compatible, but thank them for their time, or not as the case might be, and you can end the conversation there and then.

Above all, look at asexual dating, as a journey of discovery, and not something to be scared of. It should be as enjoyable as possible.

Share this post now, with anyone who needs help with asexual dating. 

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

P.S. If you want to watch the full length video of these 7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating, filmed as a Live Stream, you can see it here:

What it’s like dating when you are asexual! #asexuality #relationships #dating

Posted on by Asexualise

<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/cu14Fe8L3Ig” frameborder=”0″ allow=”accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture” allowfullscreen>

In September, I was featured in an Article on the Femedic website about what it’s like dating when you are asexual!

Here is the link to the full article https://thefemedic.com/sexual-health/what-like-dating-asexual/

Above is a video with me talking about it, that was a live stream recording!

I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, so very proud of that!

As always, stay ace

Sandra xx

YOUNG ASEXUAL LOVE – WHAT’S IT LIKE FOR AN OLDER ASEXUAL WOMAN TO LIKE YOUNGER ASEXUAL GUYS

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexual older girl looks for asexual younger guy

AGE GAP LOVE

So what’s it like for an older asexual woman to like younger asexual guys? It’s difficult, not from a loving part of view, but for the following reasons:

  • Because of the stigma surrounding older women liking younger guys – still! I could not care less what people think as I know I am meant to be with a younger guy, but it’s not just about me, it’s what the younger guy believes and his family – in a nutshell though, if he is not proud to be with me, he can take a hike as is obviously not right for me and it’s not meant to be! My parents are cool with me wanting to be with a much younger guy in birth certificate age in his 20s as they know how young I am, how young I like to be, and my young interests. An older guy, or anyone near my birth certificate age would be too old for me and not suitable!
  • Similarly you have the fact that some younger guys like an older woman but are secretive about it and may say loving, caring stuff towards you in private, then publicly pretend they don’t like older women – like why would they! At the end of the day, this guy is not worth my time and energy and it’s no go! They obviously have the problem not being able to authentically be themselves in life. Of course culture and background can influence this, but that does not mean it’s right or good for me. So it’s no go!
  • Because of the differences in being in two different countries – I have the added complication of preferring to be with an asexual foreign guy, rather than British, and I live in the UK and love it, and my specific flat I live in, so moving is not an option for me. And if for example, a guy is in his early 20s and lives abroad, he usually lacks the finances and resources to move over here, which leads to heartache and heartbreak – at best we remain friends, at worse it results in blocking this person out of my life for good.

It’s hard to find a younger foreign guy who is genuine about his feelings for me. Younger guys, in particularly foreign, as I have most experience with them, tend to be liars and not genuine in their feelings for me, and want to be with me to get something out of me, such as:

  • Marriage, which I don’t want ever anyway – so it’s nope!
  • To use me for my business brain to progress their own career – not with me – not happening! They want my business mentorship, they can pay for it like anyone else!
  • And similarly using me for business opportunities – not happening, I build my businesses from scratch and I work damn hard, so I am not about to give any of that over to someone I don’t know that well, who has just come into my life to take what he can get, not happening!
  • For me to give them job in the UK – No, if you want to be with me for me, go find your own job and work hard like I do.
  • For them to live with me. No, I rent, and love my flat, and only allowed one person to live in it, so that is not an option with me! I also like living on my own and have done so for years, if you want to live around the corner from me, that would be ace, but you need to be proactive with that and not expect to live with me as I am happier on my own in that respect.
  • For me to cook, clean, do housework, and “look after them”. No, no, no! I am not a mother or housemaid, cleaner upper, or slave! Not happening. I hate these things, so why would you want me to be unhappy in my life by expecting or wanting me to do these things for you? This is not putting my best interests at heart but yours, you must do you own housework, cooking, and cleaning! If you want to cook for me, fine, but don’t expect this back as I don’t like cooking or enjoy it, I will cook the bare minimum for myself only and do only the minimal amount of housework to get by! Life is for living, not focusing on housework and such! Doesn’t make me happy, so it’s not happening. If you want emotional support, I can give you that! If you want bestest ever friendship and a kind, caring, and loving life partner personality, I can give you that. If you want kisses and cuddles and someone to go out to the movies with to watch kids or superhero films and eat out, that would be ace! But you need to love me for me, not for what you can get out of me!

Aside from these complications, there is the feelings complications. What I mean by this is, I don’t feel comfortable being physically close to an older guy or a guy anywhere near my own with certificate age, it may seem ironic but I feel it would be liking dating my dad, not literally, but you get what I mean and that is gross!

I don’t see myself as the birth certificate age I am. I see myself as a young business girl, who is happy to look like a girl, with a lot of experience and knowledge, who is super intelligent, with some male traits, rather than being an adult “woman”. In fact I like to be called girl most of the time, not woman, apart from in business – then it’s okay to be called girl or woman!

With much younger (foreign) guys in their 20s, I can see me cuddling and kissing the right one, I can see me being in their cuddle, I don’t get this with older guys, I am not attracted to manly or macho men, can’t stand them to be honest! I don’t mind having older British guys as mates only and yes, I can hug them hello or goodbye, but that is it!

If I was with an older guy, he would be foreign, as I think foreign guys in general – look younger anyway most of the time! Or at least the ones I zoom in on more are, but I really cannot see me being with an older guy, only with a younger guy in his 20s. This is when I am my most comfortable, both talking wise, physically, and soulmate type wise! One day I hope my wish comes true because I really believe I am worth it and it would be ace!

Until next time, stay ace.

Sandra xx

 

How to deal with a Narcissist! What to do if you are dating a narcissist! #narcissism part two!

Posted on by Asexualise
how to deal with a narcissist part one

I had to deal with a Narcissist at work, after having 2 weeks off from the stress of being bullied by him for years, because I could not take it anymore. But I learned how to deal with a narcissist and that made me stronger when I had to go back to work. I have also come into contact with narcissists during asexual dating, so I really hope this video about how to deal with a narcissist and the first one, helps you to avoid getting into any sort of relationship with one of these.

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx

P.S. If you missed part one, it is here https://youtu.be/NrUEHWmDHyQ

P.P.S. If you are looking for more help, Amazon has a selection of books that may help you!

[amazon_link asins=’1608827607,B007WHS8FI,1520117671,152133997X,1442238321,099862134X,1623156424,1945796324′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’asexualise-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’9cae03f7-356c-11e8-a7ab-1359ab4fa3a5′]

12 Signs of a Narcissist! What is a Narcissist? How to spot a Narcissist! Narcissism part one

Posted on by Asexualise
Narcissist -12 signs

*************12 Signs Of A Narcissist! **************

1) NO EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY (INCLUDING FOR PAST TRAUMA AND MAY SIDE WITH AN ABUSER)

2) ACTS AS COOL AS A CUCUMBER

3) NO EMOTION EVEN IF YOU ARE UPSET

4) THINK THEY ARE RIGHT ALL THE TIME

5) NEVER APOLOGISES (UNLESS TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU)

6) ACCUSES YOU OF NOT DOING WHAT THEY EXPECT

7) EXPECTS YOU TO DO WHAT THEY WANT

8) MAKES OUT YOU ARE THE ONE IN THE WRONG

9) PLAYS THE VICTIM

10) MANIPULATING AND CONTROLLING

11) SHOWS YOU UP IN PUBLIC

12) USES YOU FOR THEIR OWN MEANS/BENEFIT

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx

ASEXUAL DATING – DON’T BE AFRAID TO BLOCK!! FACEBOOK BLOCKING

Posted on by Asexualise
It is okay to block

In my vast asexual dating experience, and particularly in asexual dating groups on Facebook, there are so many people who get worried about Facebook blocking someone who is clearly from an outside point of view being emotional abusive, nasty, or hurtful.

They spend ages worried about what the other person will think, about if that person really is being horrible to them, about maybe they should just keep the relationship going, give them chance after chance and feeling like they have to continue the relationship for some reason, or worse, that if they don’t continue it something bad will happen to them, or they will be harassed forever, (due to emotional and mental blackmail by the other person).

They sometimes realise the person is being harmful and hurtful, but still continue the relationship. This can be because they have feelings for them, or they feel it is less hassle to, or they think that person may change and don’t want to lose that connection. I totally get this as I used to be that type of person, but I learnt in my life that how we are treated is how we allow ourself to be treated, so if we feel bad because someone’s actions and attitude is not nice, disrespectful, rude, or abusive, we need to remove ourself from that situation and free ourself, instead of wasting our time and allowing ourself to be abused. I also learnt that another person’s problems is not MY problem, and that it is okay to walk away out of self-respect, self-love and self-worth!

I hope you found that helpful? Would love to hear what you think?

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

Asexual Dating: What is an Asexual Womaniser? How to spot an Asexual Womaniser!

Posted on by Asexualise
ace womaniser

Did you know asexual guys can be womanisers too?

Is this video I explain how to spot an asexual womaniser – the asexual guys who go around chatting up multiple women; who date multiple women and make them feel like they are the ‘one’ for them; and who may be in a relationship and trying to get into another one, despite saying they are monogamous. There are no doubt manisers too, as I am heteroromantic, I am speaking from own personal experience.

I hope you find this helpful?

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx