Why We Need More Asexual Meetup Organisers – Asexualise Academy – Asexual Meetup Courses

Posted on by Asexualise

If you have been part of my ACE community for some time, you will know, I am an asexual Author, Speaker, Trainer, and Coach. I am known as Asexualise, The Asexual Entrepreneur, or ACE Fibro Girl. Or by my birth name Sandra Bellamy, under Quirky Books, which is my own publishing imprint.

My expertise lies firstly, in spreading awareness of asexuality, particularly in context of real life situations. To make it more relatable and easy to understand. And secondly, in helping asexuals to become more comfortable and confident in themselves and with their asexuality. I do this by sharing my own life experience, knowledge, skills, and give you the tools you need to not just survive, but thrive, in this highly sexualised world. Both are equally important to me. 

On July 8th, 2018, I was a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, in London. Giving a 49 minute talk about how to organise an asexual meetup for beginners. That talk is currently on my channel for free. Here https://youtu.be/RfcZJRaCLls

Did you know, on that same day, I also launched my Asexualise Academy. Which is the World’s First Online Training Centre And School, For Asexuals And Asexuality. It was a proud moment for both asexuality and me personally.

I have been organising and holding my own asexual meetups, for over 5 years now. I started in January 2015.

You can hear more about how that happened and how asexual meetups truly transformed my life, for the better, forever, https://youtu.be/bH5yKeE_ESI

Do not miss this!

Do you…

  • Feel lost, lonely, and misunderstood?
  • Feel like you have no support?
  • Feel like friends, family, and those around you, just don’t get you?
  • Feel isolated from other asexuals and cut off from them?
  • Feel other asexuals are out of reach?
  • Feel frustrated by the lack of asexuals near to where you live?
  • Long to just meet another asexual in person or via video chat? But you don’t know how to go about making this happen? And you’re scared you’ll get it wrong!

Do you…

  • Know asexuals that feel suicidal, because people in their immediate environment are not asexual, and they just don’t understand them. They feel invalidated. They feel bad about themselves and have low self-esteem. (Maybe this is you?)
  • Know asexuals who are in a dark place and depressed state, with little hope the future? (Maybe this is you?)
  • Know asexuals who feel like they don’t belong in this world? They feel like an alien who has lost their spaceship and can’t find their way home? (This was me, before I started organising and holding asexual meetups. It was a very lonely place to be.)

But… If You Ignore The Feeling Of Isolation, Of Disconnection, Of Emptiness, Of Loneliness, And Despair, It Just Gets Worse!

What most people do when feeling lonely, isolated, disconnection, or in despair, they talk to their friends, their family, their loved ones, a therapist, or a medical professional. But for most asexuals, none of that usually works.

  • Many families don’t accept asexuality is real. Those that do accept it don’t fully understand it. (So you’re still left feeling lonely and misunderstood.
  • Friends will often dismiss it, saying you just haven’t found the right person for you yet. (Making you feel misunderstood and invalidated.) Some friends will even feel so uncomfortable, that they change the subject. (And then you feel you can’t be yourself.)
  • Loved ones may not even know you are asexual. They may be really hard to approach. It could cause confrontation. Those who do accept asexuality, and have an understanding towards you, still don’t fully understand asexuality, itself. (So you feel disconnected, alone, and miserable.)
  • As you have seen from the counsellor I had, some therapists don’t accept asexuality and give really bad advice. They won’t even entertain the idea of asexuality, or encourage you to be yourself. Those who do accept it still don’t fully understand it. (So you know no matter what you say, they’ll never really get you. And the loneliness and pain just continues to build, as you’re deeply misunderstood.)
  • Many medical professionals still don’t accept asexuality is real. They think there’s something wrong with your hormones, or your genitalia, or that it’s a result of trauma. Those who do accept it, still usually look at it with a clinical mind. So when you’re talking about your asexuality, they just sit there in deadly silence, and it’s that silence that says it all… (So you continue to feel isolated and in emotional pain.)
  • Can you relate to any of these?Over the years, I’ve interacted with a number of different asexuals, and hands down, those who live a happier, satisfied, and so much more fulfilling life, are those who attend asexual meetups, and those who organise them.

This is because asexual meetups impact asexual lives in such a positive and meaningful way. That truly transforms their life. Here’s how…

  • Asexuals gain understanding, that only comes from being with people of our own kind.
  • Asexuals connect more deeply with other asexuals, because both in person and online meetups allow for that deeper connection, through flowing back and forth conversation, that you can’t get through messaging alone. And because more of the senses are involved. Such as sight. You can see them. You can see their body language, their mannerisms, and how they are in their own environment.
  • The validation from being around asexuals increases confidence and self-esteem. As asexuality becomes more real – it’s solidified by seeing other ‘real life’ asexuals.
  • Asexuals grow their support network of people whom they can talk to about asexuality and other things.
  • Their isolation, loneliness, and despair, just disappears. As they have others who just ‘get’ them, naturally.
  • They make asexual friendships for life. As well as a number of interesting acquaintances.
  • The pressure to conform to social norms, just melts away, as everyone at the meetup is asexual, and on the same page with their understanding of one another, and of asexuality.
  • The relief of being around people who want to be in your company and love and care about you for who you are, gives a massive boost to your self-esteem.
  • The feeling of being in another person’s company, without the ulterior motive of sex, them wanting to jump your bones, or get in your pants, is vanished, in those moments with other asexuals. And that feels so good. It fosters a safe environment, were you can truly be yourself, thrive and flourish, in your own existence. As your beautiful asexual self, you were always born to be.
  • In a highly sexualised world, it’s so comforting to know others feel the same way as you, and you are not alone. This in turns makes you feel so good and happy.
  • Asexuals feel more positive about their asexual self, and life. While being around other asexuals, and staying connected to them.
  • Having like-minded people to share your life and dreams with, gives you hope for the future.

I know what you may also be wondering. Why is this relevant to me?

Because we need more asexual organisers. Which are sadly lacking in numbers, as they are few and far between. This makes getting to one very difficult.

I have asexuals messaging me asking me to do meetups in their area, because they feel lonely, isolated, cut of from other asexuals (despite being in online asexual groups), and they are in a lot of emotional pain, distress and hurt.

But… I live in the UK, and there is only one of me. I can’t possibly get to all the places even in my own country. And it’s better to have someone who becomes a regular and familiar asexual meetup organiser face in their locality. This way they will feel more safer, stable, and confident, in returning to your meetups time and time again.

It’s a two-way street. If you yourself are in pain right now, because you have never met another asexual face-to-face on a video call or in person, now is the time to end that pain. And rather than talk about having no one in your area, you can organise asexual meetups and get people to travel to come to your own meetup.

Being an asexual meetup organiser, is the lifeline you can give to other asexuals and yourself.

If you want a different result in your life, you have to do something different and make the decision to just go for it, and become a meetup organiser. It’s up to you to end your suffering and pain! And I encourage you to help others to do the same.

Here are 3 reasons why mastering organising asexual meetups is an absolute must: 

  1. Asexual meetups give asexuals a feeling of belonging, and of hope. They give them a sense of community, and make them feel like they are a part of something bigger. They give them something to look forward to. This works both ways. If you are feeling lonely or sad, because you aren’t around people of your own kind, it’s time to change that.
  2. Asexual meetups help to stop asexuals feeling suicidal, because they feel like no one understands them. They stop the loneliness and the pain, they give them a lifeline. Being a facilitator to that, will brighten up your own life and world, and make you feel so much happier that you were able to help others. 
  3. Once you have these meetup skills, you have them for life. And never again, will you be able to say you can’t bring people together and you are lonely, because you will have all the skills, knowledge, tools and resources, to do just that, and organise any meetup you like.

There are many more reasons why mastering organising asexual meetups is a must, as you have seen from the points above.

That’s why I created How To Arrange A Successful Online Asexual Meetup and Asexual Meetup Mastery courses, on Asexualise Academy,  To help you master all of the skills you need to be a professional and confident asexual meetup organiser, and get off to a flying start. With all the tools, resources, and skills, you will ever need, right at your fingertips, for life.

Asexual Meetup Mastery, which took me over 6 months to create, with over 70, almost 80 videos, besides bonuses and resources to download, also includes a MEGA BONUS right now – The entire, How To Arrange A Successful Online Asexual Meetup, course, as a FREE bonus.  So that is two courses, for the price of the Asexual Meetup Mastery course.

If you want to hold both in person and online meetups, you need to get Asexual Meetup Mastery, now.  💜 Order Asexual Meetup Mastery here 👉https://courses.asexualiseacademy.com/course/details/asexual-meetup-mastery and get, How To Arrange A Successful Online Asexual Meetup course right now, as a FREE MEGA BONUS! 💜😍😍💜

If you only ever want to hold online meetups, you need to get, How To Arrange A Successful Online Asexual Meetup, course. 👉 From my Asexualise Academy course page here – https://courses.asexualiseacademy.com/course/details/how-to-arrange-a-successful-online-asexual-meetup 😍

Don’t miss out 😢 on this opportunity of a lifetime and a lifeline.

In the meantime, watch this video to find out – Why We Need More Asexual Meetup Organisers here, https://youtu.be/YRtE8fUBS58

Here are some of the comments in that chat conversation from that discussion on my channel:


Sam M​ Meet ups are good for having supportive people, and helping with self acceptance and understand yourself and the community.


Sam M​ Hey Nic.


Nic Betancourt​hey sam


Megan The Curse​ Oh, heya.


Sam M​ I am planning to start attending LGBT+ meet ups to meet other nonbinary folk, but I’ll mostly run ace ones myself most likely, but may branch out.

Sam M​ I can’t find many.


Megan The Curse​ That’s true


Nic Betancourt​ I think when you hang out with ace people online or offline there is just less pressure. Then real connections can happen

Watch when Disaster Strikes, My Asexual Story, here, https://youtu.be/bH5yKeE_ESI Do not miss this! The Earlybird offers advertised in this video have now gone. But at the moment, you can still  Order Asexual Meetup Mastery course here 👉https://courses.asexualiseacademy.com/course/details/asexual-meetup-mastery and get, How To Arrange A Successful Online Asexual Meetup course right now, as a FREE MEGA BONUS! 💜😍😍💜 So don’t delay, order now, before I change my mind about this bonus.

As Always, stay Ace
Sandra xx

P.S. If you have any questions about these courses, just email me asexualise@gmail.com – I am only ever, an email away.    

A Happy Life Without Sex – Sexuality Misconceptions Busted! Asexuality Interview With Asexual Coach and Asexual Author Sandra Bellamy.

Posted on by Asexualise

 

A Happy Life Without Sex – Sexuality Misconceptions Busted! Asexuality interview with Asexual Coach and Asexual Author Sandra Bellamy. Ever wondered what asexuality is really all about, and what is just false myths and stereotypes? Watch this video now, I think you will be surprised! https://youtu.be/OBBvHyR2QKw

As an Asexual Author and Asexual Coach, my dream is to have people contact me, and ask to interview me and share me knowledge of asexuality and my asexual book to the world. This is what happened when Diane Délina, ADHD/Relationship and Sex Coach approached me, to ask to interview me on her sexuality misconceptions show. I jumped at the chance. Any opportunity to raise awareness for asexuality, is a dream come true.

In this video, you will also discover Diane has since had a client who’s daughter is asexual. I am so pleased to be helping another coach to realise what it truly means to be asexual, with all it’s nuances. This means I can help more asexuals and families of asexuals. Watch the video now, to find out more https://youtu.be/OBBvHyR2QKw

That Kidist had to say about this asexuality interview.

Asexual recognition testimonial

If you want to know more about asexuality, subscribe to my channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife and shop for Asexual Perspectives, 47 Asexual Stories, now! Here is the link https://amzn.to/33la1QO

If you are a writer struggling with your asexuality right now, know you are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you. You are beautifully ACE.

If you want one-to one coaching, with an asexual coach, for your asexual life, and happy to invest money to change your life, contact me in the chat bubble!

As always, stay ACE

Love Sandra xx

This Is Embarrassing But Needs To Be Said!

Posted on by Asexualise
Embarrassing but
I have to admit this is embarrassing to write, because I am sharing something so personal with you, which I never thought I would ever talk about publicly. But if it helps just one person, like you, it’s worth sharing!
 
When you are sick, it sucks. There is no doubt about that. Extra pain on top of pain, can hurt like hell!
 
(If you didn’t know I have been having a lot of pelvic pain due to an infection, I had to have antibiotics for this, which ended yesterday. I also went to the Doctor’s yesterday and have two creams, 1 for inflammation and another for ringworm on my arm!!!
Hence why I haven’t been streaming on my Asexualise channel for almost a week .)
 
But… when you are right about something and something is working, you shouldn’t try to fix something that isn’t broken.
 
However, sometimes you want to test the waters, and you break things, in order to improve other things, in theory!
 
But… sometimes the reality is, you were succeeding and doing so well. You changed something and then you see a decline in your health in more ways than 1.
 
I recently removed 2 food items, one that I eat almost daily and one that I eat at least 3 times a week, but haven’t done so for the last week. Result is poor skin, poor bowel movements… to add to my infection problem. I instantly added 1 back when I thought about what I changed, result, literally back to normal bowel movement, instead of straining on the toilet for 20 minutes, feeling like you are about to give birth! Only what pops out, or doesn’t and you have to help it, is pretty yucky to the eye!
 
The other 1 key ingredient to not just get healthier skin, but to decrease inflammation in multiple areas of your body, and providing less pain and more body flexibility, I go back to eating this tonight… If you have read my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook, you will know what this key ingredients is. Here is the link. If you haven’t got your copy yet, get it now, before it’s too late and you end up in pain like I was last night https://amzn.to/2DuR9nn 
 
And yes, I recommend to eat this every day, or at least every other day, 4th day without this, and your health is a goner! This hasn’t happened before as far as I can remember, unless I am on holiday and can’t get this ingredient! I have never actively chosen to not eat this, since 2014. It wasn’t that I intended to not ever eat it again, I just wanted to have a change! Sometimes change can be a good thing, in this case, not… it’s what can happen if you don’t take this…
 
I admit I give great advice in my books, which sometimes even I don’t always take every bit of, for myself, consistently. My friends who buy my books end up quoting my own wise words back to me. I need to re-read them to give myself a refresher! Which I do! I am not perfect and I cock-up every now and then. I hold my hand up. This has been a major cock-up for my health, but I have learned so much from this experience… and a good lesson to learn. Remove one variable at a time and you get shit, or not – as was the case with the first food, before I added it back.
 
I never planned to do a health experiment. But what I have learned once again, is to always, always, trust your own judgement, and when something is right, even though it may not be doing what the majority do, keep it! And if others want to be helped too by it, then that’s great! At least you know that you are 100% right, and it works crazily well and can help others if they want it to.
 
By now I guess you are wondering what luscious food I eat to maintain regular bowel movement and stop yourself from blocking up. So the big reveal… Hazelnut+Cacao Paleo Bars, which you can get here https://amzn.to/3erQksx They are made of fruits and nuts only, cold pressed, no crap, just good food to feed your body! And better than eating chocolate. Also suitable for vegetarians and gluten free.
 
If you want to know the other food ingredient, to not just get healthier skin, but to decrease inflammation in multiple areas of your body, and provide less pain and more body flexibility, get a copy of my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook. Why get the book? Because it also has a whole holistic plan, for managing Fibromyalgia, so if you have a chronic pain condition although you need this essential food, you also need it as part of a holistic health regime I go through in each chapter of the book, to have less pain, more energy, feel happier, and not just eat this and do nothing else. If you haven’t got your copy yet, get it now, before it’s too late and you end up in pain with no remedy to get your life back on track. Here is the link https://amzn.to/2DuR9nn
 
I know you are probably thinking why can’t I just tell you the ingredient. But I made the mistake of telling one asexual person about the ingredient without them getting the overall holistic plan which is provided by each chapter of the book. Which includes foods not to eat that are killing your energy. So they can’t live life to the fullest, because they still have a lack of energy by eating the wrong foods that zap their energy. It’s not their fault. You don’t know what you don’t know. And now I feel bad, like it’s my fault, as I really wanted to help them, but realise I didn’t. So I won’t share it again out of context. Amazon usually refund you as per their policy, if you don’t feel you learn anything from the book and aren’t happy for any reason with it, so you have nothing to lose anyway.
 
Even if you don’t have Fibro, it can still help to reduce your pain and give you more energy, so you feel happier, https://amzn.to/2DuR9nn And I do talk about asexuality in a chapter of the book, so tell your friends to help spread awareness of asexuality too.

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating A Step-By-Step Guide

Posted on by Asexualise

Some asexuals have never dated before in their life, or are inexperienced at it. If that sounds like you, or you just want some help with asexual dating, read on…

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating

 

  1. Join Facebook dating groups for asexuals. Be aware that although my asexual dating groups should have only asexuals in them, some other asexual admins, aren’t so strict with who they allow in their groups, and you might find some sexuals in them, so use careful questioning to determine if they are asexual and if they would be suitable for you, when you get someone approach you, or when you message someone from those groups. Post a post introducing yourself and keep posting every so often as new members are added. Remember to say where you live, what type of asexual you are, what type of relationship you are looking for, and with what gender – including any and all. Whether you are a mover or non-mover – In other words can you move or not? And say a bit about your hobbies and interests, so someone has got something to talk to you about if they approach you. For example, I am Sandra, I live in the UK, I am a heteroromantic asexual, a non-mover, so need to find someone who would move to live near me. I am a heteroromantic asexual and I live in the UK, I am looking for a highly romantic, lots of kissing, with no sex ever relationship, with an asexual guy. I am a non-mover. I don’t want marriage or kids, and I prefer to live on my own, but would love the right asexual guy to move to live near me, but not with me. I have a preference for younger foreign guys, in their 20s, especially Indian. I love writing, going to the cinema, out for meals, to theme parks, zoos, and aquariums. Must be a non-smoker, and preferably clean shaven. 
  2. Join Asexualitic.com fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check out the group forums as they can often be more active that the rest of the site. Search “Members”, as well as searching in the various groups and forum threads, for suitable matches for you. Remember it’s a yearly fee if you want private message people on this site. If you don’t want to pay for the site, then in your bio add “I am not a paying member of this site, so cannot private message, if I have friend requested you that’s means I am interested in getting to know you more, so please email me at… or you can also contact me on Facebook at…” Then ensure you send a friend request to those you are interested in getting to know more about, for a potential relationship. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  3. Join ace-book.net fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check “Matches” and “Local Matches” to find suitable matches for you. Take part in the forums, as you never know, you might meet someone suitable for you in those. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  4. Download aceAPP for your Android or Apple phone. Fill out your bio as much as possible, in the short amount of characters allowed, with all the key point deal breakers for you, such as; no sex, no kids, UK only. Use “Bake Cake” to swipe through suitable matches, change the “filters” as appropriate, to narrow or widen the geographical area you would consider having people match with you within, and also try the “Active Now” feature, to find suitable matches for you. Be aware there are a number of people on this App who are fake, and as well not asexual. Watch the video below to find out more what to look out for. I still think it’s worth joining as I have met two genuine asexuals from that app, who attended my in person asexual meetups.
  5. Be proactive, not reactive. Approach people in; the Facebook Asexual dating groups you have joined, on asexualitic.com on ace-book.net and on aceAPP. Don’t wait to get a message from others, you message them, and understand that rejection both by yourself and by others towards you, is a natural part of dating and nothing personal. It means you can rule that person out and get closer to getting the right person for you. So it’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
  6. Go through the “members” list for each Facebook dating group you are in, and click through the profiles of those who interest you and send a private message to begin a conversation with them – providing there are no group rules specifying otherwise. I encourage private messaging in my dating groups. Politely say you are not interested, if someone messages you, and you aren’t. Just say something like, thanks but you aren’t my type, or you aren’t what I am looking for, but good luck with your search. If you are sending them a message, and you are not friends with them, your message will likely land in their “other” messages inbox. So if you don’t get a reply within 2 days, and you notice they haven’t seen your message, send them a friend request, as if you become friends with them, they will be able to see your messages. You can always unfriend them if they accept and you find out they aren’t even suitable to be friends with you.
  7. If you have been messaging with someone for a while and it’s going well and you think you might be suitable for a potential relationship, have a Skype date/Video date with them. This is the next step. Always do this before meeting up with them in person. If the person refuses to do this or make excuses so they can’t do it for some reason, move on. It’s not worth risking your safety over. It’s a lot easier to find genuine and serious  people, if you ask to video chat, they should be happy to. It shouldn’t be too much trouble to learn how to video chat, or learn together. Skype dating/Video dating, as opposed to a chat with a friend on video, is all about asking questions to find out if they are suitable for you to be in relationship with them. You should be asking the tough questions very early on, the deal breakers, so you have the least amount of attachment to them, so it doesn’t matter if either of you need to move on and you don’t waste each other’s time. Ask specific questions but make them general. So if for example, you are an asexual who wants kids, ask that person what their view on having kids is, despite being asexual. Don’t ask, I want a kid, do you want one with me. That will likely either frighten them off, or they might say yes, just to be polite, or because they are telling you what they think you want to hear. And neither of those is good for you. If they say they want kids, ask them, would that be by natural means or other? Again, this is a very specific question, but you are asking it in a non-pressurising way. Ask what they think of marriage, not would you want to marry me, when you barely know each other, and be aware of anyone who talks about getting married early on, as it could mean they want marriage for a visa. Ask where they see themselves in 5 years time; in terms of where they will live, what job they will have, what their ideal relationship will look like. This way you can compare your needs, wants, goals, ambitions and dreams, for the future, with theirs, in your mind, to determine if there is any likelihood this person may be suitable for you for a long-term relationship. After the Skype date/Video date, you can decide if you would like to do it agin or not. And if they are bad for you, you can say to them part way through or early on, that you aren’t compatible, but thank them for their time, or not as the case might be, and you can end the conversation there and then.

Above all, look at asexual dating, as a journey of discovery, and not something to be scared of. It should be as enjoyable as possible.

Share this post now, with anyone who needs help with asexual dating. 

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

P.S. If you want to watch the full length video of these 7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating, filmed as a Live Stream, you can see it here:

10 Ways How To Stop Feeling Lonely At Christmas

Posted on by Asexualise
How To Stop Being Lonely At Christmas

Christmas can be a lonely time for many asexuals, especially if all your friends are partnered with other people, are seeing their families, and if you feel you don’t quite fit into your own family dynamic or have the Christmas spirit within you.

First of all, you don’t have to be religious to celebrate Christmas, you can just love celebrating life and the fact you are living. You can make Christmas you very own special time, to just enjoy the festive break and make it a happy occasion for you.

Here are 10 Ways How To Stop Feeling Lonely At Christmas!

  1. Fill your day with things you love to do, whether that is going for a walk, watching your favourite movies one after the other, or reading a book. Christmas time is a chance to make time to do what you love and to make yourself feel great about being you and your life.
  2. Go out on a self-date to a local restaurant or pub, many are open for the Christmas period, as it tends to be their busiest time. You don’t have to drink alcohol to have a great time.
  3. Treat yourself to something nice, whether that is your favourite chocolate bar, your favourite perfume, or a bubble bath. Spoil yourself.
  4. Connect with others on social media, by phone, video chat or text. Especially with others who are on their own and also may be feeling lonely. Post on social media, such as on Facebook, and especially in asexual groups, asking if anyone else would like to message, phone, or video chat with you. There’s bound to be someone who feels the same way as you.
  5. Change your state to one of happy, positive and upbeat, so you are enjoying yourself and having fun, rather than focusing on being alone. Play your favourite video games that make you feel great, dance around your home to your favourite tracks, watch motivational and inspirational videos on YouTube. (Also comment on YouTube videos and have comment chats with other YouTubers by replying to their comments!)
  6. Use this time for learning. Watch educational videos that teach you a new life skill, or take an online course, so you keep your mind occupied and off the feeling of being lonely.
  7. Go and visit a friend, relative, or go and see someone else, such as an elderly person, who is also on their own at Christmas and make their Christmas feel special.
  8. Look for meetup groups on https://www.meetup.com that meet up on Christmas Day, Boxing Day – they do have some, and be prepared to travel to them to be around other people.
  9. Book a trip away. Being in different surroundings, can be invigorating and re-energising – Making you feel great!
  10. Do something productive. Write that book you have always been wanting to write. Write in your journal. Write your goals for next year with a plan of how to achieve each one. Write that blog post you have always been wanting to write but not had the time for – or start a blog for free, if you haven’t already at www.wordpress.com Then look for other blog posts in your ‘Reader’ feature, allow other people to follow you, and follow other bloggers and comment on their posts and on other people’s comments, to make blogging friends, so you always have someone to chat to online.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this article about 10 Ways How To Stop Feeling Lonely At Christmas, if you have, give it some like love. If you have any other ideas, please share them below.

Wishing you a fabulous and very Happy Christmas.

Lots off acey love

Sandra xxxxxxxx

 

Why’s It So Hard To Be Happy? Asexual Question #askmeanything #asexuality #asexual

Posted on by Asexualise

Many asexuals struggle with depression and anxiety, but why? Why do asexuals and indeed many other people struggle and think, why’s it so hard to be happy?

If you missed my 3 hour LIVE stream last night on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel, I reveal the answer to this and give you tools and techniques for overcoming depression and setting yourself up for happiness for life. I explain exactly why people find it hard to be happy and how you can be happy, here it is https://youtu.be/KinV4dTzsG0

(Don’t forget to subscribe.)

Following on from that, and re-emphasising what I was saying on my Live Stream, here is Adam Roa – In this video he is exactly damn right about how to be happy!

👉 Have Depression or Anxiety? 😢 My autobiographical Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook can help you. This Book Is Excellent For Overcoming Depression and Decreasing Anxiety, even if you don’t have fibro, because in this book I show you exactly how to overcome depression and reduce anxiety, and the principles for this are the same even if you don’t have fibromyalgia. You will learn lots of useful ways to manage your mental health better. (ACE FIBRO GIRL) Asexuality is mentioned in this book .😍KINDLE https://amzn.to/2ru59YG PAPERBACK https://amzn.to/2K2JI7m 😍KINDLE (UK) https://amzn.to/2Q9Ac66 PAPERBACK https://amzn.to/2CuL72q

SEX IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK! ASEXUAL AWARENESS WEEK Live Stream Interview With My Asexual Best Friend, Tonight at 7pm , UK Time! Asexuality Discovery And Gender Identity!

Posted on by Asexualise

This week is Asexual Awareness Week in case you didn’t already know, and on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel I have been doing a series of videos about asexuality to raise awareness and understanding of this sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction. Tonight, at 7pm UK time GMT, I have a live interview with my Asexual best friend who identifies as Non-binary. So I will be talking to them about how they first discovered they are asexual and about gender identity, particularly what is means to be non-binary! Make sure you subscribe to my channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife and hit the bell icon so you get notified of every time I go live or post a new video on my Asexualise channel. I try to live stream every day usually after 11pm at night and you can catch up with it afterwards if you miss an episode. Tonight’s episode is at the much earlier time of 7pm. Even if you are not asexual, supporters and those taking a genuine interest in what asexuality is, are always welcome to join in the live chat.

If you are questioning as to whether you may be asexual or you want to know more about asexuality, please watch this video about signs you may be asexual!

If you have any questions about asexuality after watching these videos, please comment below!

I am with my Asexual best friend from today for 5 days in total and doing lots of fun stuff, including going to the Disney on Ice show on Saturday and it’s their birthday on Monday, so we are having a pre-birthday asexual group meetup on Sunday and going to Plymouth Aquarium on Monday, to see the new Terminator movie and eating in Nandos. In effect it’s 5 days of birthday fun for them and me, because I feel like it’s my birthday too! They are one of the bestest friends I have ever had in my life! So pleased I met them, they make the world a more special and precious place, just by being in it!

If you want to read more about asexuality, you can get a copy of my first book for asexuals, ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 Asexual Stories: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY, here https://amzn.to/31OkTlA

Until next time, always stay ACE!

Lots of love

Sandra xx

10 Common Myths About Asexuals and Asexuality – BUSTED!

Posted on by Asexualise
Myths about asexuals and asexuality

There are many common myths about asexuals and asexuality. Some due to ignorance, some due to closed mindedness and others are just outright confused, which I put largely down to a lack of education and societal conditioning! So here are 10 Common myths about asexuals and asexuality – busted!

  1. Asexuals never have sex – Simply not true. Some asexuals never have sex and others choose to do it or try it, for whatever reason. This could be to please a partner; to do it as an activity to do, which they may even find fun, like a bored game; or to have kids.
  2. If asexuals don’t have sex, then they never masturbate! – Not true! Whilst some asexuals don’t ever masturbate, other’s do, because they do have a libido, despite it not being aimed at any one, as they don’t experience sexual attraction.
  3. Asexuals are asexual because they “can’t get laid” – Not true. Asexuals can have sex if they want to, many don’t want to as they are not sexually attracted to anyone and so sex does not appeal to them. However, some asexuals do have sex and I am asexual and had sex in the past with some of my heterosexual ex boyfriends. I don’t want to have sex ever again, as these days I am personally sex-repulsed for me.
  4. Asexuals are just people who can’t get dates – Wrong. Many asexuals can get dates, but with sex usually expected at the end of the date, many asexuals would rather not bother. On the other hand, if sex is not on the table, then  a large number of sexuals won’t want to have a date with an asexual, (unless they believe we will change our mind about having sex if we previously said we don’t want it), because they want sex and it’s important that they get it, and if they don’t, there is a lower incentive for them to date an asexual – Even though we have got many awesome qualities and can make someone happy without sex, some sexuals need sex, and that is it!
  5. Asexuals never have any sexual behaviour! – Not true. Whilst some don’t exhibit any sexual behaviour, others do! Sometimes this is behind closed doors, such as masturbating themselves, or they may have oral sex, anal sex, or masturbate their partner! It may also be in front of others, such as dancing very sexily, like grinding!
  6. If someone is asexual then it means they are gay or lesbian – Wrong. Whilst asexuality is considered to be part of the LGBT+QIA acronym – the A standing for asexual, but some also consider it to stand for Allie, Agender or Androgynous , it does not mean all asexuals are gay and lesbian, in fact in terms of not being sexually attracted to anyone, gay or lesbian may be considered the wrong term to use for those who are attracted to the same gender, just not sexually. However, some asexuals may identify as a gay or lesbian asexual – for example a homoromantic; homo – meaning attracted to the same gender, romantic – meaning they are attracted romantically (to the same gender). And some asexuals like me, identify as heteroromantic. Hetero – meaning attracted to the opposite gender – romantically. It does annoy me when I say to someone I am asexual and they say, “So you’re a lesbian then” and I say, “No, I am attracted only to guys, but romantically, not sexually. I love to kiss, cuddle and hold their hand, but I don’t want sex with them as I don’t experience any sexual attraction. I have had sex in the past because I thought I had to, as part of a ‘normal’ relationship, before I found out I am asexual! I have gay and lesbian friends, but I am not a lesbian.”
  7. Asexuals never get attracted to anyone. Wrong again! Some asexuals, for example some aromantic asexuals – those who are neither romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, may not experience any type of attraction to anyone, others will likely experience platonic attraction. Many other types of asexuals do experience some form of attraction, even though it’s not sexual. So they could experience romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, intelligence attraction, spiritual attraction, emotional attraction. And in my case I experience all those towards different guys, and I also experience creative attraction and clothes attraction. So I get super attracted to guys who are creative and making things and doing stuff. I also get attracted to guys wearing certain types of clothes, such as the ‘street’ look, or a black and white suit! And as part of my intelligence attraction, I get super attracted to guys who are into IT, and can build websites and code! With that attraction, coupled with romance and intelligence attraction, well I just want to snog (passionately kiss) the guy! I am a rare asexual in that I don’t experience any platonic attraction, which means I get some type of attraction for my close guy friends even, which can be rather annoying at times, as I don’t wish to feel romantic over a guy who is just a friend, but as I am also a hyper-romantic, I just have to let myself feel these feelings and accept they are a part of me. Resisting them makes things worse, so it’s best just to be open, upfront and honest about it. And no, I don’t want multiple partners as I am fiercely monogamous, not polyamorous. I would rather focus my attractions towards one romantic partner, if I had one.
  8. Asexuals never watch porn! This isn’t true either! Whilst there are asexuals, like me, who never ‘watch’ porn, in fact I personally detest it, I know some asexuals that do watch porn. Many asexuals who do this, say it helps them to masturbate, which they want to do, to relive their libido.
  9. Asexuals never participate in BDSM! Nope! This isn’t true! Some asexuals do participate in BDSM, just without the sexual intercourse. Some asexuals who do have sex, may participate in BDSM whilst also having sex. I personally hate BDSM and want to run a mile from anyone wanting to do that to/with me. Luckily not one heterosexual ex, ever even hinted at that.
  10. Asexuals never have any fetishes! Still wrong! Some asexuals do have fetishes. I have known a few asexual guys who have foot fetishes for example, which makes them want to massage a partner’s feet, and pay close attention to their feet, without the person putting their foot in their penis and stroking their penis with it – which apparently is what a sexual guy likes to do, if he has a foot fetish, or so I was told by one asexual guy, but as I don’t get involved with fetishes either, and I thankfully have not had a relationship in the past with a guy like this, which is my preference, then I have no hands on experience of this, if you pardon the pun!

At the end of the day, ALL asexuals are different and whatever they do or don’t like is up to them and it’s up to you! Our difference is our beauty and it’s more important to be a diverse group of people than copycats of others. There is no one size fits all, when it comes to being asexual or having asexuality as your sexual orientation and that’s ACE!

To quote Wikipedia, the full definition of asexuality is:

“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7]”

If you want to discover more about these asexual myths and other myths and stereotypes of asexuality, check out my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book on Amazon, here https://amzn.to/2nttgoD 

Until next time, always stay ACE!

And don’t forget to share this post for Asexual Awareness Week from Sunday 20th of October – Saturday 26th of October 2019, to educate others about asexuality!

Sandra xx

FIBROMYALGIA SELF-HELP HANDBOOK: ACE FIBRO GIRL – HOW TO BE YOUR OWN SUPERHERO AND SAVE YOURSELF FROM PAIN

Posted on by Asexualise

ACE FIBRO GIRL FIBROMYALGIA SUPERHERO HANDBOOK

My FIBROMYALGIA SELF-HELP HANDBOOK is now published and so is my www.acefibrogirl.com site. If you want to change your life you need this book! Yes, the book is aimed at people with Fibromyalgia, BUT this book is a revolutionary way to manage your life, to have less pain, more energy and feel happier, forever, and the formula for doing this which I share in this book, can be applied to any person’s life, to become super successful at having and creating a better quality of life for yourself. Even if you don’t have fibro, it will truly change your life! Many asexuals suffer with depression and anxiety and this book helps free you of depression, lower your anxiety, and increase your confidence, several asexuals I know, have bought this book for that reason. It also introduces asexuality in the chapter about intimacy – so this book spreads more awareness of asexuality to an audience of fibro people, who mostly won’t have heard of asexuality! ACE in front of FIBRO GIRL – I chose because I am asexual and also it means you excel in something, which for me, is managing my fibromyalgia incredibly well.

Many people with fibromyalgia have anxiety and depression too. This FIBROMYALGIA SELF-HELP HANDBOOK, is a truly revolutionary way of managing your life to have less pain, (including emotional), more energy – which many people need, and to feel happy – which we all need! You don’t need a Kindle – you can download the Kindle AP to read this book now! https://amzn.to/2HbHzVl

If you wondered why I had been so quiet on this blog, it was because I was getting this book finished and I had to keep going and put all my time, energy and effort into it! And I also started to write a second book for asexuals too, yey! With two more planned afterwards! This FIBROMYALGIA SELF-HELP HANDBOOK, was a book I wrote the bulk of in 2017, and finally got it out on Kindle last week. It’s an autobiographical self-help, how-to book! Many people who suffer with depression and anxiety – who haven’t got fibro, have bought this book to help them to truly change their life – I hope you will be one of those people!

HERE IS THE BLURB! (Even if you don’t have fibro – you WILL still get value from this book!)

If you feel like fibromyalgia is ruining your life and taking over it, if fibromyalgia leaves you feeling depleted in energy, in constant pain, and you are sick and tired of struggling, of feeling depressed, hopeless and helpless, and you desperately want to relieve your symptoms of pain, feel more energy and be happier, you need this book. I am living proof that it really doesn’t have to be that way. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2012, yet I have the most energetic, happy, vibrant and fulfilling life ever, since my diagnosis and in spite of it, but what’s my secret? My mission is to empower you to live a more energetic, vibrant and fulfilling life, in spite of your fibro, using unconventional methods, simple techniques and concrete ways that really work!

This revolutionary Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook shows you a truly remarkable and uniquely holistic “Superhero Rockstar” way to manage your fibromyalgia, step-by-step, which you will never have seen before. This book exposes you to the real truth about why you are suffering with fibromyalgia and what keeps your pain locked inside you. It shows you what it really takes to manage your fibromyalgia in 25 aspects of your life, to reduce your pain, with practical, helpful, simple and easy to follow, actionable advice, that is direct and to the point, so you can finally take back control of your life; have more happiness; more energy and more freedom from your pain, so you own your fibro and it doesn’t own you. This book gets your fibromyalgia working for you, rather than against you, so you can truly thrive, flourish, and feel alive, in spite of it.

This no-nonsense fibromyalgia self-help handbook, literally gives you the antidotes to save yourself from pain. By being more informed about what’s most effective for coping with fibromyalgia from someone who has fibromyalgia, who understands your plight, frustrations and problems that fibromyalgia gives you, you’ll be able to implement positive action steps that will dramatically improve the quality of your life. Within this book, you will discover the insider secrets and effective strategies to managing and reducing your pain, so much so, that your fibromyalgia becomes insignificant!

This book is not a cure for fibromyalgia, but a complete holistic system for managing your fibromyalgia. This book is for those with fibromyalgia, those who think they show signs of having fibromyalgia; for family, friends, or loved ones of those who have the condition, and for anyone and everyone who is keen and eager to know more about fibromyalgia and how to manage it to have less pain, more energy and feel happier.

Think of this book as your fibro bible and blueprint for how to be your best self, and live your best life! In the chapters that follow, I will explain exactly how I’m able to have, maintain and sustain, my energy levels, so you can do the same. I will explain exactly what mindset you need to have to effectively reduce your pain; what foods to eat and not to eat to ease your pain; what footwear to buy to stop your feet from swelling most of the time; how to zap depression where it hurts; how to reduce your anxiety and worry less; how to thrive and flourish in spite of fibro, and so much more. In a nutshell, you will discover the secret formula for long lasting mental health and happiness, and how to be your own superhero to save yourself from pain!

If you value your quality of life, if you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, with living in agony, pain and misery, with little energy and hope for the future, and it’s making you feel depressed, if you have decided you can no longer go on like this and you need practical, helpful advice, you can put into action instantly to start making dramatic changes rapidly, to feel better, forever, this book IS DEFINITELY FOR YOU! Don’t waste another moment of your precious life suffering, when you don’t have to, buy now!

Remember – Even if you don’t have fibro – you WILL still get value from this book! It will change your life for the better, forever!

You don’t need a Kindle – you can download the Kindle AP to read this book now! UK https://amzn.to/2TJ7HfD  Amazon .com https://amzn.to/2HbHzVl   Check out your local Amazon store now to get this book. You can also order it in print from Amazon or any good book store.

Like my new ACE FIBRO PAGE for advice on how to live your best life, be happy and as pain free as possible! https://www.facebook.com/ACEFIBROGIRL

As always, stay ACE.

Sandra xx

Sandra Bellamy Author Of Asexual Perspectives Personal Asexuality Journey Interview On Freestyle Your Life Podcast

Posted on by Asexualise

Freestyle Your Life Podcast

I am so happy to have been interviewed on the Freestyle Your Life (FLY) Podcast about my personal asexual journey and about asexuality. My asexual journey has been a transformational one.

My Discovery:

In March/April 2014 I discovered I am a heteroromantic asexual. I am attracted to guys romantically not sexually. I don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse. I love kissing especially and cuddling, but not sex. Yes, I had sex in the past because I thought I had to as part of a ‘normal’ relationship, as we are all conditioned to believe since birth. Yes, I did say conditioned, but sex is not for everyone. Love without sex, does exist. One of my asexual friends is getting married to his asexual partner next month and I couldn’t be more happy for them.

More About Me:

If you are new to this website and blog and you didn’t already know, I am the Author of this beautifully insightful book about Asexuality, called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. So if you want to read more about my personal asexual story you can read about it in my book here https://amzn.to/2YEGD2y Or here if you live in the USA https://amzn.to/30nTarT Or worldwide at https://www.sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net or you can order the paperback version from all good book shops around the globe under Quirky Books – yes, that’s my own publishing imprint.

 

Asexual Perspectives print book
Author Sandra Bellamy With Her Asexual Perspectives Paperback Book.

I am also the founder of this site and www.asexualiseacademy.com

I design and sell merchandise for asexuals on Amazon and Redbubble

I also live stream daily on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel.

My Freestyle Your Life Podcast Interview:

My podcast interview with Freestyle Your Life, goes live on Tuesday 9th July 2019 on ITunes, Stitcher and Spotify. It will be available to listen to from midnight on 8th of July, so you can listen to it on the 9th, no matter what country you are in. I had a lot of synergy with this presenter as she is all about being your true authentic self, no matter what, and has a hugely powerful personal story of overcoming adversity herself.

These are the links where my episode, (episode 26), will be live to listen to from the 9th of July 2019!

This is the exact link to my specific episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep026-how-to-embrace-your-quirky-asexuality-sandra/id1458343184?i=1000443926237

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/freestyleyourlife-podcast

You can find my episode on Spotify at number 26!

Podcast

I hope you enjoy listening to it!

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx